Well Christmas frenzy has come and gone for another year. And now a new year is drawing closer. I cannot help but bring to mind and return to life happenings over this year without a smile or two and many a tear. Oh let me shed a tear mom and dad. Let me. Shed. A tear. Yes you are on my mind more than ever. As I am sure this feeling is with many who have lost someone dear to them, we seek without permission, a time to weep and mourn.
It is almost comes out of nowhere, this profoundness of an unknown found love, a deeper more sincere kind of love that is being missed. An ache and longing to see and to express in heartfelt bursting ways but ever more knowing life unfolds the way it is supposed to and in that, God only knows.
Grief has been given to the human heart that has no boundaries or expiry dates on it. I want it to be a comforting feeling in the tears shed or the thoughts felt when I think of you both. I know you are in good hands. It is not in the sadness that I want to shed a tear but more for the gift of you. I am so very grateful to have and to hold the memories given to me, life lessons revealed, and the legacy of our family still alive and kicking. You left some lively ones for sure. LOL.
A couple of days ago I was listening to a video clip from an actor to actor talk series about grief between Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield. Holy moly it spoke to me. It was shared by Andrew G. that he loved to talk about grief because it made him happy. He said that no one gets to spend enough time with those they love. And he hopes the grief stays with him as he gets to have all the unexpressed love he did not get to say and he can feel it for the person until he too passes. The loved ones left a heart print. And mom and dad you certainly have done that.
So I am going to shed a tear mom and dad. For you. And it might happen many times just so you know. But I am also going to smile in those tears because I know you would want me to live life fully. Those unexpressed loves are in full bloom and in colour too. I pray for the many who have lost loved ones recent or many moons ago. It is not an event but a journey in the loss and does not go away. It will resurrect itself this grief at times of memories. Welcomed grief laden happy memories that could be chaotic feelings, confusions, missings, unanswered questions, the sufferings, the person(s).
But also holding onto the plethora of laughter and quirky grins, gravely voice, big warm hugs, long long lectures, camping, summer travel to NB, ping pong table family meals, paper bag popcorn, handmade nighties, yucky fishy fish with dollar fries, smell of homemade bread and soup and…. mostly in a tearful and smiling way for you knew me by name. And I love you for leaving me with these unexpressed love moments to uncover from me to you. Blessings.
Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and for those who have lost loved ones may feel the grief to also be of comfort and peace in memories. Amen.
Karenpondering 