I do

This past summer, I witnessed a gift and blessing that I have really not fully appreciated until recently. I know that I have not given the event its due. What in the world! An event!! Am I for real? How insignificant in word choice? Event!! Holy lightning!! Just put it down to writer’s block and inappropriateness here, a lapse in honouring these two special people. For goodness sake!! My daughter got married and no it was not an event but a holy moly MY DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED! Woohoo! Yippee!! Hooray!!! Glory be!!!! Kick the heels! She did it!! I mean they, the two, both of them, yes…got married. Tied the knot. Wed. Got hitched. Two became one. Bless their hearts.

I want to say before I go any further that I do not want to embarrass my daughter with my thoughts but I probably will. So I am going to apologize now, seek forgiveness and oops, sorry daughter of mine.

A blessed moment

I’m calm now. Yes, my middle daughter and fiancee got married this summer during the pandemic. They had been planning it for 2 years and had to postpone it last summer with the hope of the remnants of Covid-19 would be well behind. Let’s hear it for the bride and groom. Oops. Nope. A toast to a cancelled wedding. Not funny. So they decided no more waiting because at the end of the day, what was most important to them – – to be wed. And to be honest, the worry and fret involved in planning a normal wedding (which is up for debate) exasperated by the protocols and rules of pandemic social distancing etc, created a mountain of crazy. How in the world to answer the swirl of questions….who could come or not come, who to invite and not invite, how to make people feel welcomed and safe (operative word), seating. Flight-no flight. No dance-dance. Hug – no hug. Inside – outside. Book – not book.

I look back to that late August afternoon with the sunlight shining gloriously upon the couple before us with wonder. I saw my beautiful and gracious daughter stand before the man she loves responding to a time honoured traditional life altering question, with “I do“. And so too did he!! With those two little words spoken freely and willingly by both while holding hands, they professed their commitment to one another. Tears welled up in my eyes, slowly flowing of own volition, down my face (no makeup to worry about here just so you know) while I smiled with joy and happiness in my heart. Oh my.

The few days leading up to the wedding, the kindness of the people involved in making the wedding preparation and the day became a dream come true from start to finish, were realized. As the tent went up, the furniture positioned, the wondrous and generous hands that prepared and served the evening meal for the wedding rehearsal, the hosts (groom’s parents) of the wedding, the presider over the wedding and her encouragement, the host for the bride team (grooms aunt and uncle) in opening their home to utter chaos with hair and makeup frenzy, all led up to the special moments of joy and happiness.

No words can express the delightful and overwhelming feeling within me as I escorted my daughter down the aisle (lawn), with my middle granddaughter in my arms and the oldest sister (maid of honour) with her daughter in her arms in front of us. And my youngest daughter being the day event organizer /decorator and ‘go to’ person extraordinaire standing on the sidelines carefully monitoring any glitches. Family affair. LOL.

And then when turning the corner to go up the aisle, it was a sight to be told. For there before us were the “brothers” of the groom, men who have been with him for a long time, 9 groomsmen/bestman, and the loving and kind “sisters” of the bride, 7 bridesmaids/maid of honour (two missing unfortunately) standing before their beloved brother and sister. All present to give witness to their love and support and friendship for the bride and groom. And that is the aha for me.

Why? I am drawn to two words right now, like and love. The nuances of both words conjure up many images for me from one’s own lived experiences and observations. I came across this quote from Buddha who seems to always have a lesson on life. What is the difference between “I like you” and “I love you.” Beautifully answered by Buddha….When you like a flower, you just pluck it; but when you love a flower you water it daily. One who understands this, understands life.

I am thinking what a garden these two people, bride and groom, have grown on own and now together. For looking at the wedding party, each person, unique and special, have been plucked and have plucked from the garden. Something about them is likeable. So much so that they have remained friends over a period of years; some since childhood. Wow! Just wow. Being liked is so important. However if each were plucked then they would not survive for a long period of time. Sidebar here. Pluck gives me the willies. Kind of reminds me of a chicken being plucked. Hmmmmm. Why did I like this quote? Hahaha. I think I would like to replace the word pluck with pick or select. In that plucked does not mean long lasting. You need to love them too, which means the care of them such as watering them. Does that make sense?

What are the odds of two people meeting, connecting, be friending, and then by some miracle of wondrous miracles, somehow transforms into something much deeper much richer. How does it happen? How do two people who meet randomly become friends? How do they come to a place where they want to stay friends? Then the friend zone turns into possibility of the more. In other words, they find themselves wanting to move to a place of thinking…. “you are it for me”. Well, don’t tell me it is rocket science. For it cannot be. What draws one to another?

I think that is the conclusion I have come to believe when friendship becomes more. Like and love are visibly present. It is such a beautiful awareness to see unfold before your eyes. And I could kick myself because I did not express my thoughts to them when I had a chance during the speeches at the wedding. Firstly I was not expecting to go first and so, thoughtful words just flew out the window. Secondly I was already blubbery so goodness how could they even hear me say anything. And thirdly, I do not do well under pressure. What you get is what you get. Sorry kids.

But, what did I want to say to them? Well, after watching the two exchange their vows, I was humbled by the emotional moment before me. Oops, I do need to qualify that point. What I should be saying was my new son-in-law stared into my daughters eyes for long periods of time while my daughter, bless her big heart, seemed to look downward a few times. Why? Knowing her as I do, she would start to cry and that would not do. Kleenexes were everywhere, daughter of mine. No offence, son-in-law. Okay?

But no, what I wanted to say to them was they not only love each other but they like one another too. They are friends. As the above saying suggests, you pluck a flower because you like it. But you do not want to just like but to love too. Meaning caring for it. If I go into a garden I am drawn to different flowers. My go to flower is a sun flower. It is so cheery and joyful to look at. I planted some this summer and holy moly, they grew up. I mean way up like the Jolly Green Giant height. I think I made a mistake on height restrictions. Obviously I could not read the fine print. Anyway, there is something about the sunflower that I like. I automatically smile when I see the flower, no matter if real or fake. It brings that out in me. Naturally I have no idea if it likes me back because let’s face it there is no smile in return. LOL.

However if I pull on the sunflower and hold the flower in my hand because I like it, it will not survive. I have to allow it to continue to grow, give it what it needs. In other words, I not only have to like it but love it as well. Hence, the water. For the things that I like about the sunflower will not blossom if it not tended. Loved.

So love when it comes, I think it reflects what Thomas Moore has quoted in that “a friendship like love is warm; a love like friendship, steady.” And for me, what I have been given a glimpse of is a friendship grown into a love.

To all those who have said “I do”. May the blessings of the day be with you always. Like each other, love each other… daily. Blessings.

Let us pray for all those whom are in need of prayers and know that you are liked and loved always.

Right in Front of You

One day soon little one, hugging you.

What a beautiful day…four days ago. LOL. Honestly I loved that morning. The sun was out, clouds were fluffy, sky was blue with a slight breeze off the water. The sun touched everything with a smile. Just wanted to wrap in the cheery.

There is so much around us that we miss. It is right in front of us….a laugh, a smile, a jolt to the heart, a wish, a promise, a hope, a present. Yes just take a boo. Is it any wonder that we live in a wondrous place, a world full of all kinds of things to enjoy if we would only see what is before us? Of course there are things behind us too but oh well and I do not have my teacher eyes on anymore. LOL. You know the kind where young people are acting up behind you but you can ‘see’ or they believe you can as you turn around and hone in on the little imps. Oh the many times I can remember in teaching. But then as parents we have that honing or radar device too.

But this morning, I put on a sweatshirt. Cloudy, misty rain feeling in the air, and breeze. Really!! Yes. Today is a bit cool for a July morning. But to be truthful, it kind of feels great putting on a snuggly for a bit. No I do not want the fall to come. But with the weather being quite muggy, overcast and cloudy to boot the last few days, cool rules. So the rain last night, and the beautiful sound of the down pour, how does it all work? Do you ever stop and wonder? Well whatever the case may be, relief. I know that my granddaughter will be getting her boots out to play today….oh yes, puddles red mud splash squish clothes wash dry repeat….sounds like a commercial for Tide. Nah, Arm and Hammer or Purex all the way.

I am privileged to walk with my grandchildren right now, seeing them uncover, discover, explore this world in a way that I do not see like they do. But they make me. And when you are a grandparent, you do anything for them because you can. For the two youngest of my grandkids I do the pretzel kind of moves, sometimes crawling or sitting crossed leg (not as easy holy moly) but not for my oldest. Oh no. Holy lightning he has grown!! Up to my eyebrows I believe. Haha. Who gave him those cereal wheaties or dob of spinach or something?? No. Oh no. He, my taller than crazy grandson, takes me on a whole different plane of the intellectual experience which include being playful. I keep reminding myself that he is only 10 and is tall for his age. Always have to be mindful of that because he needs hugs and love and playfulness too. It is just…well may the force be with me…he is long and my lap does not do the trick. Oh they grow so fast.

Soon a wondrous gift will be coming my way. Another part of my family will be flying in. Trepidation is at the feet of my daughter but she is going to do it. Fly. Because a window, the pandemic in this case, has slowed down enough that the Maritimes has opened its doors. Woohoo. Right before me will be a big hug and love. Yes hug. I said that out loud. Cannot believe it!! It has been awhile since I got to hold her and my grandchild so I am going to relish the moments. I do not know the airport protocols but I will soon enough. And then off to the races.

Taking for granted even the simplest things is noted. I have been toggling between PEI and Ontario for the last few years, making sure I keep connected with my family. We make life choices and there always is a domino effect in those choices. Albeit, moving away you are not able to see who you love as much. Thank the Lord for advanced technology but even more importantly that family wants to be and stay connected. What a learning over the last 18 months or so. It has become very apparent what is important and essential in one’s life. That has been a blessing for I do not presuppose in any way shape or form that a person wants to be in another person’s life. So girls and grandkids, I chose you. LOL. Better watch out.

Right before you….wonder and awe

And yet I am also aware that I have a life too. That is a funny thing to say but not really. It is a personal awareness that I have discovered. I tend to be an island at times. Haha and I live on an island. How apropos. But seriously I know that about myself; Thomas Merton and his hermitage always appealed to me. LOL. So the discovery for me of me wanting to be more social…whoa. New. To.Me. The value of friendships, the people in my life who have walked with me and more recently new friendships that have developed, has taught me a valuable lesson. Because right in front of me is an abundance of joy and laughter and fun and goodness, virtually and face to face. I find myself embracing or awakening in me that I can still be me, hold on to the quiet and reflective, but welcome the intrusion. It must be that down home Maritime influence from my younger years. Nah. I think it is me accepting that I can be fun and worthy. Hahaha. Kind of an aha moment here. Humbling actually. Hmmmmm.

I think the life before you is more important than the life behind you. The past is just that…the past. It is not something a person can change but it is something one can learn from. At this moment, life is right in front of you and you can take it for a ride, a journey. Boy that is deep for a morning pondering. My bad. It is just the realization that our past has helped shape us to be the person we are today. Which reminds me of my favourite poem from May Sarton Now I Become Myself where she talks about a person taking on many faces from different places. So many things can influence us but at the end of the day it is coming to know ourselves just a little bit more and believing in the goodness within. Be a better version of ourselves. Yes I have to believe I can grow a sunflower…be a green thumber. LOL.

So today, right in front of you, is a moment to take and hold. Maybe even wrap around you, feeling more fully alive. I am looking out my screen door and watching the wind swaying the trees as the rain comes down….again. A billowing and rustling sound of the leaves echo and move me to smile as I nestle in more snuggly, listening to rain and wind wrestle the trees. Aaaahhhh. Nice. Love it.

So what is right in front of you today? Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of prayers and to experience the joys and blessings right before them.

Can things get any better!

Setting the stage for…..

Oh happy day as the sun comes out. For goodness sake gloomy has been overhanging the island for quite a bit lately so of course I’m singing the children’s song Mr Sun….come out and play. And voila! Thank you so much. There is a cheerfulness about having the sunshine. Maybe not the intensive heat or mugginess but the shiny brightness and light filtering the break of dawn into a full blown burst in sunshine. It lifts the spirits deep within, don’t you find? Naturally the sun would come out at the beginning of the weekday…Monday. Because you know I went camping.

Even in the wind, it is possible to make a fire.

Yes camping!! It was planned a month ago because you have to book in advance, covid 19 and all. And you think, July 1st….well it should be good weather. Yes three days prior to, warm and muggy. But the turning on a dime kind of weather this year, well let me just say no peek a boo for me and the sun. No, it was cloudy with a touch of misty rain sweeping the air and crazy cool wind. Not breeze. No no no. It was blustery blowing wind. And the waves were jumping wild, white capped and fiery as they blew into shore. Did not matter. I love camping. So….

Well it was to be with my daughter and kids, first time for the little one too. Me being me, my voice saying it is all good. Try getting camp set up and running with two happening kids wanting to explore. Haha. Jokes on my daughter and myself. But we did…tarp down, tent up, picnic shelter raised, you know for the “hoping to block out sun” kind of weather. Not necessary. LOL. Anyway once site up and organized, fire time and cooking over the fire. Have you ever tried to start a fire with the off shore wind coming up and over the dunes? Well let me say it does not work so good. And the matches that are supposed to be water proof….well they are not wind proof. LOL. No matter. Got it going and lo and behold…best hotdogs ever. All beef or turkey hotdog….the choice of fare. Yum. Taste delicious. Yes you heard me. Simple camping food…hotdogs, fruit and cut veggies. There is something about camping and eating over the fire….it tastes so much better. Yes my grandson was not too keen on the charcoal look on the hotdog…well my boy it is camping. Not complaining….hahaha. And dessert of smores….calmed the waters.

So healthy.

But alas that evening it got too much with cold and rained swept wind. Not conducive to saying ” camping rocks “. So daughter giving me the mother look, I took them home and in hindsight it was for the best. Not great for the next three days anyway. For me, however, I stayed. Yep. Camper woman here. I love camping and so do all of my daughters. Yet being a mother, you have to do what you have to do. I did not realize how much I missed the simpleness of camping. So I kept all the sleeping bags and blankets, took the air mattress, and made a glamping bed. Good to go. Actually it was fun. I just prayed the guide lines and pegs kept tent in place as I listened to the wind howl. Surprising how the cozy you can get. Of course I tucked my clothes in the sleeping bag so the warmth of me would be ready for morning. Camping wisdom, you know. Wrinkled look is in too. I had fun.

So besides a great time in camping and the sun finally coming out, I got to be a part of a beautiful something last evening. For the last few months I have been preoccupied with the terms love and like. Maybe it is because I am doing on-line dating. I have to say at this point I have met some wonderful men….far away mind you….it seems I tend to be more of friend material. And actually that is okay especially with our the world the way it is. And I love to write as you can tell. Anyway, off track. I have been pondering like and love because my middle daughter is getting married this summer. I will talk more about it in another blog. But suffice to say, I am full of glee and joy and happiness for her and her partner of many years. Woo to the hoo. While thinking of them, two words have popped in my mind….like and love….and what are they all about in relation to relationships. Because for me in my own little realization, you have to have both for a relationship to work. That is what I think. And it is not simple. The complexity of like and love toward another human being. Hmmmm.

And last evening I got to be a part of helping my sister prepare the ambiance for her son proposing to his girlfriend. Watching my sister as she nervously and tearfully got a picnic ready for her son to do one of the biggest and most important things of his life was beautifully moving. He did a bang up job in the planning…romantic thoughtful and hopeful. A birthday of this young woman that she will never forget. Stunning view next to the lighthouse overlooking the red cliffs of PEI’s rugged rocky terrain with water gently touching the rocky shoreline while a picnic blanket lay on the grassy knoll above. Perfect. Of course I did not realize it was a popular lookout when we arrived. We took my truck as the road in to get to the lighthouse reminds me of driving on dirt rock deep crevice road while in the Rift Valley many moons ago.

Blue box – hope inside.

Can things get things get any better!? Oh my heart soars for my nephew and now newly engaged. He blindfolded her as he drove in. His girlfriend did not have a clue except she was celebrating her birthday. Wow! Favourite foods in picnic basket, flowers adorning the table cloth and words of hope on little rocks next to pre-lit candles (battery operated). You nailed young man. So my sister and I got it ready on the grass knoll and waited. Not going to screw up this part. Waited as he drove in. My sister gave him a blue box and then we skedaddled because he had everything including the blue box containing the box with ring (her fav colour) with her favourite dessert on either side of ring box. Breaking bread for such an occasion. In this case, dessert. But the most precious part was that when he asked her as we found out later, she thought he was having fun with her. And had to ask her again. Oh my. Well if you tease, what do you expect!! Love and like once again.

So my sister and I went back to my place as the lighthouse is about 5 minutes away. She had a feeling that she may be called back….photo op. After an hour or so, my nephew called again to say come and take photos. Selfies are not so easy to do when you are trying to get you all in. Once again I witnessed a gift of something extraordinary. Capturing a moment out of time surrounded in a backdrop so wondrous and beauty, a perfect night to propose. Like and love as they held hands. I saw it. I pray for the days and years ahead for the two of them. Yes, nephew you can sleep now. And you as well my sister. And to the newly engaged woman, bless your heart for the tears of joy. Surreal I am sure. It’s all good.

Hopefully my nephew will not mind me sharing a bit of his story. For he gave me a beautiful gift to witness and hold in my heart. And also to share in my sister’s joy and delight. Special moments given to us….you never know where or when they come but funnily they do come in unexpected ways. Can things get any better? Yes but I’m wrapping this one as a keeper in my top five for now. LOL.

Well off to see what other good things I can see goodness and joy. Maybe have a picnic. Now what would I put in to the basket? Blessings this day.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers and for those unexpected delights touching each of our lives.

Well I have to concede….

Anytime little one, any time.

It is time for me to just bite the bullet and concede….nope. No way. My little one, you are not going to beat me, your Rara. I had three daughters for goodness sake!!! Are you kidding me? If there is a will there is a way. I can be stubborn too, just to let you know. Concede….nope. I know for a fact as I have met a doctor on-line recently and even though he is retired now, so still has credentials of sorts (just kidding) he has confirmed that there is something I need to know about the whole journey of scatological. Of course what does that even mean?

Well the last few days I have been working on potty training. That’s right. Holy lightning I forgot that time in my life, three times to be exact. Well it worked on them I believe (just kidding girls) and so I am going to give the little one a go. So far the scatological process which comes out of a medical profession of staffroom wit is not quite working out. You know scat…poop from a wild animal. Mind you it is wild the poop but she is not a wild animal. So not funny. And logical, the process of pooping. Well in this case, the whole enchilada of both forms of potty training is just a bit slow kind of crappy right now. But I will persevere.

I have been hoping for good weather so that she can go with just shorts or pants on, no diaper, in and out of the house. Do they not make those thick baby underwear anymore? I have looked. I guess it is pullups these days which are okay but I think it is not really going to have the same affect as the feeling of something dribbling down one’s leg. Yes, I know TMI. She did notice today, however, that something was not okee dokie and called out to me….of course the deed was already done. And the other one, number two, you know the scat part so to speak…we did have a bit of an accident a couple of days ago. Nope, not a bit. What did she eat for goodness sake????? She is healthy mama. So pick her up, take her to the potty, trying to keep her feet and hands from touching the you know what and not very successfully. And then of course getting down on my knees to clean up. Could she not have done it on the wood part of the floor? Oh well. So laundry is going to increase. Maybe I need to get more dresses as I look out at my outdoor clothes line now.

So I concede….not waving the white flag but conceding that yes Virginia there is a….oops wrong story. But yes there is a trial period and I need to get my wet swiffer out asap. Bleach maybe. And pray to the most high and yes, not listen to my friend making fun of me. Scatology. Seriously who comes up with these words. And also my dog Maggie May….move dog. Sniffing for goodness sake. Does she not know that I am busy trying to train?

So what else do I have to concede to. You know the point where you just give in. I mean I know the mantra of let go let God and I hope I do that okay or at least try to. But there are times, moments for sure, that I seem to try to be the driver. What is that movie, oh yes, Anna and the King with Jodie Foster, and one of the quotes crops up in my memory “Everything in Siam has its own time.” In other words, take a deep breath and just know all things have it’s own time. Hmmmmm.

I think being a mother is a hard one to concede. To concede in allowing me to let go let live from my capable, talented and beautiful daughters. They can do it. Yes they can. What is the hold up for me? Realizing that the space taken up by them being in my life is now changing, has been changing for a while. And they in their own way say, it’s all good mom. But the funny thing is that you never stop being a mom, mother, mommy, mama or whatever they call me these days. It changes often. Not sure the connotation when they call me by a maternal name. Thankfully they do not do what I do and call them one of their sisters’ or my granddaughters’ names. It is one of them. Hahaha. So conceding that they are grown up….yep. But I will always be their mother.

Not eagle but similar. Beak and claws.

Now one thing I just stopped fighting has been my walk in the morning. Like today it is so lovely, strong breeze, feeling free and limber, quickly making my trek up to the turn around, kind of like a round-a-bout for tractors. So like the last couple of weeks, this annoying bird comes up over the crest of the cliff at the farthest part of my walk before I begin to go back and flies overhead squawking like the dickens. Goodness sake. Well now there are two of them and they seem to be getting quite cheeky, soaring and swooping up and down, getting closer and braver it seems. Well I am not one to shy away from things but honest to goodness their beaks do not look friendly at all. I thought I could sneak up and go to the side of where they seem to be located. But no way….I concede. No I did not stomp my feet but really. Really!!! I have to stop in mid stride because of 1 or 2 temperamental birds. Well…hahaha….I guess so.

I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious, LOL. Life is going to give you lots of lemons so somehow you make the most of it and make lemonade.

Thoughts to ponder around conceding or maybe not. It is all good.

All will concede that in order to have good neighbours we also have to be good neighbours. That applies to every field of human endeavour. Harry S. Truman

When I hear somebody sigh Life is hard. I am always tempted to ask “Compared to what?” Anon

When life puts you in a tough position don’t say “Why me?, say “Try me.” Anon

“I don’t understand why people who say “I do not know how to thank you.” Like they have never heard of money. Anon

If you think you are to small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Anon

If I can make at least one person smile or pee their pants a little then my day was not wasted. Anon

Why hoard your troubles? There is not market value so just throw them away. Anne Shcade

The happiest people do not have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have. Anon

To conceding in one’s life. Come on little one giddy up for Rara. Potty. Please. Blessings this day.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of prayer and for the acceptance of things as they come in one’s life and circumstance.

What is there to cheer about?

Standing. Yep. Good job.

A trampoline! Yes a trampoline is something to cheer about. Because I got up on that thing yesterday as my little, under two, granddaughter wanted to go on it and voila….I bounced with her. Did not collapse. Woohoo! It felt good. I understand my reality in that I am not going to be doing any flips any time soon…nah….not at all. But it felt good to hold her hands and bounce up and down letting her do her thing. Even bouncing, landing on my bottom, and rising landing on my feet again. I DID IT. It might not sound like much but these old bones and knees have seen better days. LOL. Brought me back to high school and university days on the trampoline, days when the mind and the body could work as one. You know, actually do what your minds says it is going to do. Bounce as high as you can and when that perfect timing comes, you twist and turn, flip in the air, and then land on your feet ready for the next movement. The glorious feeling of floating freely in the air, moving your body to do what you want it to, and then BAM…land on the mat of the trampoline again and do something else. Executed wonderfully. Now the mind is willing but not the body; hahaha, not on your life little one. Thank you body, knees in particular, for not letting me down. And let me tell you, I was smiling ear to ear.

So last weekend I was listening to the local Atlantic news. I kind of like the approach the news team takes for some reason. The people they have giving the news seem to have personalities that draw you in. Neighbourly. Personable. Friendly. Even a little kibitzing amongst them (I think it is a word). Anyway, it makes one feel you are part of the Maritime clan so to speak. Although some of the news maybe disturbing or unsettling or unbelievable at times, they do mix it up with segments of the personal, the family, the preserving of the local newsie kind of news… makes me smile. And in that they shared an interesting piece on fundraising which came from another Canadian province. So get ready educational colleagues of mine have I got a great idea for you.

In Saskatchewan there is a small community who raised quite a bit of money for their school in a unique way. The fundraising committee, due to the pandemic, had to be creative in their farming Edenwold community. The spokeswoman indicated that she personally did not think she could sell the 200 tickets for bingo. Bingo. That is not original. No, but Bovine bingo is. So a closed in pen was set up, squares were outlined on grass, and Rockstar the cow….well lets just say in cow patty bingo fashion, plop and woohoo. You got it. The contestants purchase a square on a grid set up in the pen and the owner of square the cow decides to do their business on is the lucky winner. What a cheery thought. Right? Well sold out crowd!!

Mr. Sun I cannot thank you enough. You bring cheer when you come out. I have been skipping and swirling lately as I go down the road to the red dirt lane down by the water along the rocky shore and up across the cliffs overlooking the sea. Good thing it is just me and non-human onlookers like fox, birds, bugs. Heehee. The fresh coolness of the breeze, crazy windy at times, with the sun’s rays coming through the fluffy white clouds puts a cheery smile on my face in the warmth of late spring bloom. It’s been sunny lately. NOT COMPLAINING Mother Nature at all. The sun and its bright cheery greeting has been a plentiful. It puts a burst of joyful energy into my walk, and me wanting to embrace its radiant warmth spilling over me and my little world. And to top it off, my favourite wild lupins abound like a natural aisle, garnishing both sides of the road with a palette of spring colour fare. Love it.

Beauty in own eyes

And don’t you just love taking a walk through the woods and the sunlight filters through the trees giving a wondrous glow to nature. It touches the earth basking its glow and sharing its warmth as you sit on a log from a fallen tree. The little flits and spurts of creation. Yes, try to ignore the bugs and oops, yes be careful of poison ivy or oak. And you sit there in wonder or maybe walk in the awe, to the sights and sounds made possible from the brightness of the day. It is cheery. No I am going to say it cheers you inside I think. It touches things in different ways unlike the darkness falling which has its own special qualities and gifts to give. But light reveals the world to shine before you.

Me and my shadow

I notice that my shadow, no I am not Wiarton Willy or Punxsutawney Phil from Pennsylvannia, grows longer on the fields or rocks as I walk lately. Come follow me, it says. Hahaha. But the way the sun just captures things, bringing to life the world around you. The colours. Oh the colours. Can you imagine a world without colour? Everywhere I look, homes adorn beautifully coiffed gardens and yes I cannot wait for my sunflowers to come up too. But the green and greenery weaved with the deep red soil of the islands character….oh my that is a colour combination that I love. Earthy and rich looking. I really cannot get over the patone swatch of greens. And the sunlight brings out the hues and shades, making you wonder how? How can green be look so differently beautiful. Now I have to qualify that because bright lime green and the muddy sludgy green on the olive green spectrum….not so much.

Here on the island there is no way that colour would not be part of the conversation as you travel around. Someone aptly described it as one has used a ‘jelly bean’ paintbrush. Not really a warm fuzzy descriptor but honestly the colours the islanders decide on…charming and bold, especially colour choices on buildings and homes. Just like in a box of jelly beans, you never know what you are going to find coming out. What prompted this cultural tradition I do not know but its certainly evokes the homey and inviting feelings. I have gone down to many local harbours at dawn or dusk to experience the sun as it brushes its light; there is a rich and lavishness in the swath of the rainbow before you.

I do have to chuckle though. The sun also brings other things to the forefront. Reminders of sun and its affects. No laughing matter but I am anyway. My youngest daughter calls me two days ago to tell me she went camping and now is laid up a bit. So here is mama nag in me….you got it. Sunburn. Very little movement for her. Not being mean but the harps are playing here little one. How many times do I need to tell her? But she was not complaining, merely seeking an ear. Yep that is something to be cheery about. LOL. And this too shall pass. Speaking of, I better check the date on my sunscreen bottle. My middle daughter checked my stock and informed me, quite readily I might add, that “mom, this expired in 2019”. Oops. Well let me just say the sunlight does not help my eyesight. For goodness sake the embedded print is so small, my glasses even have a hard time letting me see the date.

What is there to cheer about? A plenty. And hopefully soon even more so as the pandemic’s gap closes a bit more. Enough said. But I did get good news as my oldest will be coming to the island to visit. Yes parameters and protocols aside, woo to the hoo, she is coming around the mountain. And I am going to hug the life out of her and grandbaby (I mean hug her so lovingly). And one day I hope sooner than later I will get to hug my mom (and dad at his home) in the not to distant future. And my youngest daughter too….leaving the nest. Oops, I was the one that moved. My bad. But thank you island Family Connection and permission granted…she can come. So what to be cheerful about….that right there. So many stories from others not being able to see their family…I do not take it for granted.

Sunflowers right? not weeds??

What else? Well no one peed in my soup. Just kidding. But I am toilet training my granddaughter right now when she is with me and she did have a little accident on my carpet. Could not do the dodo on the wood part of the floor? No of course not. As far as gardening, the seeds are growing for my sunflowers. They are not weeds. Well I almost sort of almost certainly positive. And my brother in law, bless his heart, is creating a homey feel to my deck as he uses live edge wood (does anyone know what that means? Im not telling) to redo the benches along the outside deck. Looks good. Rustic. Then he will be working on changing the steps with live edge and have them be more gradual in slope. Can’t wait.

Bench. Live edge wood.

And so to be cheery. Oh one has to look. Yes. But not too far. I mean think of it. The roads on the island are being worked on so I am happy when the construction worker holding the stop sign turns sign to Slow and I do not have to wait. Yep. Finding that five or ten or even twenty dollar bill that you tucked away in your summer wind jacket last year. Yep. Getting to the cash register and finding out that the gulp kind of feeling you have in buying an item turns out to be on sale. Yep. When you think it is Thursday when it is Friday (probably not often). Yep. Someone has paid for your coffee or whatever in the Tim’s line up. Yep. You actually went down to the water, took shoes off, and dipped toes in water. You did not yelp. Yep. Someone called you up and said, hey lets go out. Yep. Get a text from an old friend who you have not heard from in a coons age. Yep. Actually pick up an organic fruit in the grocery store and smell it. It actually smells like the fruit. Yep. Go get some ice cream. NOW. (Hey I know I do not care for ice cream because lets face it working in an Ice Cream shack and having to sample….bone chilling) But I actually had vanlilla soft icecream from Dairy Bar in Kensington. Quite good. And also I even tried Cows Ice Cream apple pie flavour…well colour me happy. Delicious. Yep. And honestly take a tech break. Like I am going to do after blogging today. Yep.

So remember this banana wants to make you happy, look at it, it is smiling for you. I found this Irish quote “Here’s to you and here’s to me, I pray that friends will always b, but if by chance we disagree, the heck with you and here’s to me. ” Blessings this day.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and in need of cheering up this day. Amen.

A Wee Bit of…

Just a wee bit…well something. LOL.

Today is a day for contemplating ‘a wee bit’ of thinking. Why I am stuck on that phrase, not sure, but it seems to draw me in. A wee bit of….What in the world? Is it not an Irish or Scottish term of endearment like ‘wee little one’. Hmmmmm. No. I think it is more than that. Maybe it is the inner voice saying just a little bit more of this or that might just do the trick. The trick of what I am not sure. Have you ever found yourself saying if I had just had a wee bit more of or just need that extra wee bit of…… before I…then things would be good to go. On the other hand, there are moments that you may find yourself in a wee bit of a pickle and using ‘wee bit’ might just be the kind of word usage you need. Kind of like someone made you something and you say it is a wee bit….vinegary. salty. tart. cooked. So what is a wee bit of something something on my mind.

For instance, it is not like I want it to be really hot out but I do appreciate a little more warmth in the day. I had turned the heat off for the last couple of weeks as the sun, even the rainy days, had a bit of warmth to them. I just wanted a wee bit more of the warmth. But okay I gave up….heat on. No I do not say to google home “Hey google, heat on”. That would be my daughter, not me here. LOL. Now I am probably going to regret the wish of a little bit of warmth as this week is calling for the two digit temperatures of low 20’s. Well howdeedoodee yippekaiyeah!

What in the world!! I am laughing at myself because I find myself creating non-words, putting nonsensical sounds together to express my exuberance of something, namely in this case…. brrr it is cool outside. But they make sense to me and certainly a wee bit of fun.

Is it my imagination or has the weather been quite a rollercoaster lately? I mean come on. I feel like I am on a train of rain-sun-clear blue-cloud-fog-cool-wind-repeat. Regularly. A bit much. Are my sunflowers even going to come up, show that I have even a slight modicum of a green thumb. I do want to show my mom on video chat the fruits of my labour and say, “Yes mom, there is hope for me yet to get something to grow.” Oh well. A wee bit of patience here might be on the menu.

Anyway today was great for a fast-pace walk. Cool or not, it was a fresh feeling with blue skies, cheery sun and sheep’s wool clouds above. Don’t you just love how the water and sky and land come together, creating an image that meets or surpasses your expectation of beauty? Yes beauty. I realize that everyone has his/her own thoughts on what is beauty and beautiful but holy to goodness it wraps ones heart up silly with a kicking whoop of joy. And then lo and behold I saw my first lupin. Woohoo. In all that is holy, what a sight!! The wildness along the sides of the road on the island just blow me away with the beauty of wild flowers especially lupins. My sister buys the seeds to grow in her garden and here they are growing wild and free. Bounty of heaven sent. I’ll take the wee bit of loveliness any day.

And the clouds….whew! Another bit of joy. Do you remember, or maybe you still do it, where you lay down on the grass, bugs and all, and look up at the clouds formed in the sky. Sometimes they are so crazily overpowering in their presence. Depending on the cloud and day, they can speak to you. Does that sound weird? No. For they talk and tell you if storm is coming or it’s going to be a fluffy sunny day or draw you in to see the picture they formed. I remember many times going down Route 101, heading homeward after picking up my grandson from daycare. He was not in school yet but he went through a stage of naming the clouds…his little eagle eyes observed his surroundings in a wondrous way. We would look at the clouds and he could tell you the type it was….cumulus, cirrus, status or nimbus. Yeah, look at me, I remember. Barely. But looking at them right now, it is not as clear what kind….could be a cirrostratus. Is there such a thing? I think I am in a wee bit of a fog. No surprise!

Now I do have a wee bit of an issue as I am listening to the crows outside cawing incessantly. Have you noticed the ever present sounds in your neck of the woods? I have. It can be annoyingly rackety. Is that a word? Well it works here. Not long ago funnily enough I had a conversation with my grandson last weekend as he stayed over. He said he liked coming to my place because it was quiet and then qualified it by saying he liked being here with me too. Good rescue line grandson. LOL. Is that like speak for boring? Oh maybe not. Is it quiet here? Yes and no. It depends. I mean as I pause for a moment to listen I realize not really, even though it was one of the reasons I sought out country living…peace, calm, serenity, QUIET.

Babble and racket are part and parcel I am discovering of nature and human activity. Birds chirping, cawing, tweeting, pecking, whooping, cooing, hooing. Coupled with the rural routines and fare of the residents of the CRACK of DAWN “up and at em” kind of morning routine. Oops that is me too. My bad. LOL. But they do not hear me for goodness sake. Hahaha. Does that sound like quiet? Nope my grandson but glad you want to come and stay with me. That makes me a wee bit happy. (no, a lot)

Anyhoo. I am not complaining. It is the rhythm of the community. My neighbour gets up early and gets on his tractor cutting the grass on the golf course while at the same time someone cuts his wood log pile into firewood, daily; the whine and whirring of the chainsaw can be felt. Better than the dentist’s drill whirring I can tell you. Since it is part of the day, I call it the morning wakeup call….you know the kind….. just after 5 AM IN THE MORNING!! Because here the spring sun is up and so are the PEOPLE. Which is then exacerbated by the multitude of lobster boats engines echoing off the banks of the cliffs as they navigate their way out of the channel to the open sea, some at 430 am. And must not forget the cars, trucks and semis going up and down Rte 20 in the valley, next to the fields and bay, as their wheels clip along and gears shift. Odd it says 60 kph but I guess they are having trouble with 6 and 9. Yeah hubbub and din.

Finding the wee bits of something. I mean I would like to see a wee bit more of family. Yes. That would be nice and so appreciated. And hug. Oh that last hug. If you could only turn back the clock for a hot minute, a wee few seconds, what would that look like, sound like, feel like, be like. For me, I would hug the goodness out of my mom and my two daughters, my dad, my granddaughter, my Ontario family and fill me up for the long haul of not being able to. I would take the right turn instead of the left and go visit friends that I should have popped into see. But did not.

I came across a nursery rhymea wee bit of heaven drifted down from above a handful of happiness a heart full of love a mystery of life so sacred and sweet the giver of joy so deep and complete precious and priceless so lovable too the worlds sweetest miracle congratulations on your new baby boy (girl too). The joy of being gifted for a moment and to take it all in as much as you can.

But funnily as I was exploring the idea of the phrase ‘a wee bit’, it reminds me that it is a kind way of saying, hey wait a minute. Trying to put things into perspective. It kind of breaks the ice in suggesting something that should be considered but have to approach the situation in a way that is palatable. Let’s face it, not everyone can handle whatever. So something could be going on in your life and you want to play it down or something big is presented but needs to be addressed. Or it is a generous little word that is used for a wee one (or not so wee). Or it could be a literal meaning like your babe needs to….well you can fill in the blanks. Family blog here. LOL.

So a little wee bit of wisdom of thought for thinking of a wee bit a bit, maybe one can use…..

I wonder a wee bit about that.

I have learned a wee bit since then.

We are just a wee bit mixed up.

You might be just a wee bit too clever for your own good now.

I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far. Billy Connolly

I think that is a wee bit exaggerated.

He just needs to calm down a wee bit.

I am not forgetful but just a wee bit eccentric.

I am a wee bit (probably more) worried.

I find that just a wee bit difficult to take.

What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. Mark TWain

Was I not right about the wee lass, saints preserve her!

I am just a wee bit confused, so bear with me.

But you have to understand that I consider myself a very modest artist, or whatever, and not of importance really at all – it is quite embarrassing to me to be asked my opinion about things. I am only a wee Scottish poet on the outside of everything. Ian Hamilton Finlay

So for today, a wee bit here and wee bit there and alot of bits everywhere. Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers this day.

Did you get a gift today?

Gift of nature before you

You never know what the day will bring you as you wake up, place your feet on the ground, and rise. Rise and shine. The gift of the day before you. It is here, today, ever present even when you do not think of it as such. It is a gift to you this day, to enjoy, to embrace, to have, to hold, to keep….the whole day. And that gift holds many other smaller gifts (or huge ones) ;oh that would be nice. LOL. It does not matter the size, it is thought that counts.

But what gifts are we talking about. Ones that are wrapped up in pretty paper and bow so beautifully, ready to be torn open to see what is inside. Like my sister who received a gift last Thursday. My younger sister and I went together to get a few items to send to her as a ‘cheer up’ kind of gift. No reason except to say thank you for being her. And also to give a little bit of spoiling as she has to live in a house full of men. No offence intended to men. Just like you know when you are outnumbered and there is way too much testosterone or estrogen, you need just a hot minute to yourself. Just saying. Anyway, she had a hard time opening the parcel as my sister likes tape. LOL. After much finagling she opened and voila….a Golden Girls mug that had a funny saying on it (not for little ears), soothing lotion, tea, herbal vitamins, eye gel massager, island treaties etc…. just a little something something to say she is loved. But the gift for me was her tears. Yep, got her. Thank you sis for all you do.

Unwrapping… for treasures await

Or are we talking about another kind of gift? One that does not have wrapping paper or a ribbon or bow; a gift that comes in a different form, an unexpected, surprising and in some cases so unwanted form. But comes nevertheless. Do we see it as a gift? In that we should for, it is the gift of love, the gift of the world around you, the gift of life and celebration of life lived. Can we with arms spread wide to welcome whatever and to see the real importance of its value and worth in whatever way it comes. May pull at the heart strings, yes. May cause angst, yes. Nevertheless it is gift landing at your feet so to speak.

This week I received sorrowful and heartfelt news of three different people who had lost the battle to walking this earth no more. What kind of gift could that be? Well, beyond words that is for sure. One child, only four years old, lost the fight to cancer….so with love I put a yellow ribbon around a tree reminding me of the gift this little being gave….herself (blessings my dear). The second was a school leader who too lost her long battle to cancer. Being an educator, how many lives do you walk with, talk with, be with….and she did it spectacularly and wondrously and with a smile. Oh to say goodbye (especially leaving her family behind). And the final one was my dad’s BFF. Total surprise but battled many health issues; and it was his time. Boy he brought sunshine to my dad’s life…real warped sense of humour that one. My heart goes out to my dad and to the family and friends of many many years. Each in their own way gave an indescribable gift… themselves of heart, mind and soul. And so for that, a gift has been received and treasured from this day forward to all who knew and walked with them. Lasting peace now.

So then I look back on this week and think of the gifts laid out before me….life lived and witnessed. Like on my walk, when two young eagles standing in the grass next to the red cliff’s edge which I barely could make out until I drew near. They must have sensed me, more like Maggie May and her incessant yip….and broke into flight. Oh my goodness what a glorious sight as the two in tandem rose up quickly with their wings spanning wide and free, soaring overhead as they took off. Beautiful gleaming white on heads and feathered tails, body black as night, holding steadfast against the wind as they regally flap their strong wings gracefully o’er the fields to the grove of trees yonder. God’s Creation personified. Eagles are right up there with the blue heron which I love to look at too. What a delightful gift! And where would my phone be? Not on me.

Or maybe it was the gift of invite to attend a zoom prayer service for the woman, the school leader mentioned above, who I had the pleasure of meeting and working with her for a time. But having been a way being retired, I was remembered to be called to participate in prayer for her. Thank you. My heart teared. Or maybe it was the gift of discovering there are good people to meet, being kind in their words and for some reason have crossed your paths, whether for a short moment or a longer period of time. You do not know the whys but you embrace the gift for as long as you have it.

Now one recent gift I was so grateful for and just so menial in nature but thankful nevertheless. I was cutting the grass the other day and it was kind of warm doing it, But glorious sunny evening in fact it was just perfect to be outside. So you know when the breeze has a bit of warmth and coolness all at the same time.Well, I took the stretch of lawn and then whipped the mower around and the wind caught me just right….almost like that cool mist sprayer at Canada’s Wonderland. You know the apparatus near the water slide park and rides where you can get so hot and then you go into this space with the tall pillars and overhang, and it sprays out this cool light mist. Immediately your body goes into pause mode, grabbing the coolness from the mist, and your rejuvenated instantly. That was the feeling I got when cutting the lawn that night, an instantaneous breezy cool delight. Sort of like getting a cold one, like ice cold lemonade or maybe a cold beer (not me) or an ice cream at Cows Creamery.

Speaking of which. Now that was some kind of unexpected gift. Unlike many other parts of our country, PEI gets to have a bit more normalcy, protocols still in place, but getting out and going on family outings. Ergo, Frosty Treats Dairybar. Ice cream is NOT a gift to start off. FYI: Long story made short, I worked at an ice cream shack and tasted enough ice cream to turn me off of it. BUT. Fast forward, I am sitting with part of my family in my truck as my daughter goes to get some frosty treats. Well the gifts given were two fold…eating kiddy size soft ice cream and it being good and sitting beside my granddaughter sharing it!!!! Just plain vanilla soft cone but yum. I think they may have to look at the size again, maybe a tottie tot size. So the other gift was my granddaughter grabbing my hand and not letting go as she pushed her nose and mouth right into the cone. Yep. What part of your face little one, eats? Just saying. Thank you for the gift of joy and family.

Each day we are given gifts. Expected or unexpected, wanted or unwanted. Surprised or not surprised. Rendered speechless….the best kind. Recently a story was shared with me of a beautiful moment about a man who because of covid could not propose with gathered friends and family. So he invited friends and family to a place where they could gather unbeknownst to each other without breaking protocol….to a Costco. Bending down on one knee, after she met quite a few people she knew there but never clued in until she watched her then boyfriend kneel down and propose to her. Never going to forget that moment. What a gift for all!

Yes there are moments when you think no. I could do without that gift. Like when I go down to the beach and the flock of seagulls take off, and you are winged by their droppings. Wear a hat. But the gift of seeing them in flight, floating so gracefully. Or when you are taught that any gift given is okay. Reinforce being gracious. LOL. The way ones face may contort or twitch because you received a gift that is just not you….at all…ever. You gotta to love children as they can be quite blunt….I already got that or I do not like that colour or that’s for babies. But being kind…we receive, nod thanks, and regift to someone else. LOL. Just remember that gifts are given exclusively for you, whether unexpected or unwanted.

But one gift, the really unexpected gift, is the gift before you, to recognize the gift of others. Do we see each other, including ourselves, as gift. Not to toot one’s own horn but to truly give ourselves to another, nourishing and feeding the other. It could be like an onion (not that friends or people we meet are onions…meh) but peeling back the layers that unravel. Nothing gives me greater joy than making people see how they are to me. Building them up….not ego and puffed chest kind of building up…but be the gift of helping them see the gift they are. To be life-giving gift to them as they in turn are to you.

So today….Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

The older I get, the better I understand that every day is a gift.~ Joel Osteen

The most beautiful gift of nature is that it gives one pleasure to look around and try to comprehend what we see.~ Albert Einstein

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.~Mary Oliver

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention~ Jim Rohn

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present~ Joan Rivers

I look upon life as a gift from God. I did nothing to earn it. Now that the time is coming to give it back, I have no right to complain~ Joyce Cary

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.~ Mother Teresa

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers today and for all to know each are gifts.

Saying A Goodbye

Always waiting for company.

Life is precious. You know I must say that phrase about twenty or more times a day. You only have to listen to the radio or watch the 6 o’clock news or go on Social Media or read a text from someone or get off the cell/telephone just now with the news from somebody saying something that is not even in your thought processes. Man, if you could only turn back the clock for just a hot minute. Say what you need to say before life takes on a new face, a new look, a different space and journey. It reminds me of that one line in Thomas Merton’s prayer Unknowing….”I do not see the road ahead of me.” We have no idea what is before us, only God knows. So how does one navigate this life one is given.

Recently a friend shared that his next door neighbour, who he has lived beside for thirteen years, has now found out she has 4th stage cancer, given about two month left here on earth. What do you do with that? She will be leaving behind her two sons who are right now in a state of disbelief. How does one take that? I mean really how does one get up each day knowing that in a few weeks or even sooner that the time has come to say goodbye.

My heart breaks a little bit more each time you hear those kind of stories. You just want to wrap them up and hold them, give them relief and hope, in the midst of whatever time they have left. I remember my cat Marble in her last few days of her life. Boy I choke up thinking back two years ago March. I did not realize how bad she was until she could not lift her little head off from the carpet. Not Marble. She was fierce, not friendly mind you (LOL) and only was kind when she was hungry. Or yes on those rare occasions she needed a quick cuddle or petting. Then no more. Little Miss was certainly a pain in my side….and a biter if she wanted to be. But boy she was a part of my life. I picked her up on that last day, covered her in a little blanket, laid her down beside me on the couch and held her tiny paw. The vet and I decided the day before that there were too many things that were breaking down quickly within her. We decided together it was best to put her down the following day and thus that morning, I was up really early. When I came downstairs she did not even lift her head up. It hurt. I remember my heart beating to a different drum that day to see her like that. She took her last breath with me. She did not die alone. Thank the Lord for small mercies.

Yep, You may be gone but still an imp. LOL.

I think about this time in our life with the pandemic but also reminding myself of the other losses and tragedies around the community, local/ nationally/ internationally. It is the sadness that comes with the loss and grieving of loved ones. The experiences of leaving behind and moving on, trying to make sense of something that does not. It does not even have to be a death as it could be the loss that comes from a divorce, separation, moving away and leaving ones precious home, friendship, breakups, debilitating illness or disease, loss of a job, loss of a pet…. the unknown. Unexpected or expected of an inevitable suffering or loss of something…life as you know it….well it begs a different way of looking at things. Doing things. And as Merton’s prayer quotes (s)he cannot know for certain where it will end.

We do not know what is in store for us. All we can do for ourselves is try to get up each day and take one step then another. My grandfather in his dry wit had once said to me that it is a good day when a man can feel his feet hitting the floor after waking up. Yeah. The day before you….well, it can take the very breath right out of you. So what do you do when you live in a shoe…. move to a boot and get laced. I do not think a person can ever be prepared truly for saying goodbye to someone or something that has played such a significant role or taken up such a space in one’s life. When gone, what then?

Loss and goodbyes are part of life. Not one that is accepted easily but exists nevertheless. So do you stay in the spot and feel the overwhelming sense of loss or is it possible to catch a glimpse of something, a light in the darkness. It might take a while to get there but oh to feel just a faint heart beating without the painful reminder of days long ago when things were….what? Happier, joyful, merry, holy, beautiful, celebratory, simpler. Maybe it is giving oneself permission to be okay even when you may think you should not. To be okay to feel a spurt or burst of the happy. Not be in survival mode but thriving, embracing, living. To be awaken. It is okay.

Life has a funny way of continuing to burst in to song even while turmoil and strife come knocking. It is a surreal feeling to be standing amidst the chaos within while all around you the ordinary day continues to unfold. Not a missed step. Have you ever heard someone say “life goes on” or “this too shall pass” or “time heals”. Yes to all of them. And the triteness in the words, are they easy to hear or accept….nope not today or tomorrow for that matter. I think screaming, a temper tantrum, a jumping up and down, a squeezing of dog….oops just kidding. No seriously you kind of have a bottled up sense of injustice bestowed upon the heart that cries….ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Are. You. Kidding. Me. But sadly and regretfully ‘no’, a big NO.

So the goodbye. Well, hold it gently and kindly, offer it even when it is not welcomed even if it is one of the hardest moments in one’s life. For goodbyes come in all different sizes, packages, and all impossibly sore to bear. Some even leave scratches. Here today, gone tomorrow. But not to say goodbye…well it might not be good for that old heart. Blessings today.

Moments of Grief

Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time?  Jonathan Safran Foer

No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” C.S Lewis

That moment you need someone, but they’re in heaven…and so you cry instead.”

“For the rest of my life I will search for moments full of you.” Saves The Day

What your reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived. And that is a great gift.” Elizabeth Edwards

“It is kind of shocking when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries on with life. How can the birds continue to sing?How can people carry on loving life? Zoey Clark

“I will never forget the moment your heart stopped and mine kept beating.” Angela Miller

Time for….

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and for losses in our life. May we find strength in the farewell.

Holey or Holy

Just a beautiful holy day out.

What a beautiful and most breathtaking morning! Holy and sacred. You just want to wrap your arms around the sun to say thank you. Thank you for making the morning so bright and cheery. To stand still and just take it all in. Perfect day for a walk early early this morning and so I just got up and out the door. Well not literally for goodness sake. I really tried to get down to the water early to watch the lobster boats go out from the bay for their days catch. Kind of like being in a traffic jam but on the water. Very polite the way they just kind of fall into place, one after another. I like the way the captains navigate their boats’ path, going close to the lit buoys. Some have their lights on while others seem to just know the way. Could be a manly thing. LOL. Yesterday and today have been so pleasant; not really warm, but enough to feel the hint of warmer times ahead and yet still have a pinch of cool in the breeze. Great for breaking a sweat. And it is a breeze today, gentle and kind to my face. Love love love it.

Because frankly I thought the rain and drizzle would not stop this past week. I mean come on…I sang Mr. Sun song umpteen dozen times or so. Well mainly because the little one, my granddaughter, loves the outdoors. And I would be doing what she wants. Which. I. Did. Yep. Puddle jumping 101. I need to move quicker. It seems my granddaughter knows how to jump as a 21 month old. A bit slow at first moving in the puddles as I do not think she was used to so many puddles before her. But that soon stopped. She had her little meow meow stuffy, cute ragged little grey stuffed kitty, and took it out with her. Well it seems the kitty needed to go into the puddle too. Oh my…priceless to see the expression on her wee little face. I chuckled (behind my shirt thank you very much) as she gasped at the mud spattered paws as she stood up. When she stared down at the paws…..well it broke my heart as her little blue eyes she stared at her kitty. She looked at me as if to say, “Rara!! Wwwhhhaaattt?” Yeah life is rough child.

Going down to the water Maggie May and I always pass this grove of trees and today, suddenly a huge owl sweeps out above our head, followed quickly by a bunch of big crows. How the birds find the holes of spaces through the thick forested area, they dove into the woods. But the owl was beautiful. I have not seen one that close in a long time and looking at its sweeping wing span, listening to the whipping whirring of wings, it was flying fast. Is it a good thing to see an owl? My younger sister who LOVES owls says it is so. We shall see. But the birds, not just crows, but smaller ones also followed the owl. Boy the sound coming out of the forested area….did not sound too promising. A cacophony of natter and chatter. I do not like that feeling of the gathering of large quantity of any kind of birds….I still get shivers from that horrible movie by Alfred Hitchcock The Birds. It may seem tame to my daughters….not to me. But witnessing the owl over head, it really made my day. Another holy moment.

And speaking of holy, I think holey is a better term. I am coming back from my walk and looking down at my feet, in particular my shoes. Holey moley, holes!!! My goodness I may have to put my shoes to rest. I did not realize how much wear and tear they have gone through. I have just got them worn in. Are you kidding me? It takes me back to last year when all things were closed for the most part. And shoe stores included. I had thrown out my old treasured ones in November 2019 as….snow cold winter came to play. Not thinking anything of it I would just get a pair in spring. But much to my and everyone else’s in the world surprise….no go. I ordered on line. Shoes. And they are going to fit??? That is the kind of thing you try on. I am kind of fussy about my runners. But I am not sure if companies were taking advantage of the situation but my usual go to Saucony or Asics were a bit, nope a lot, steep. So I get a brand with a number name (worn out on shoe) and actually loved them. These holey shoes have been good to me.

But I can see the writing on the wall….I take a step and the holes will gather together as I jump rocks or climb the cliff and voila….no duck tape to hold them around my bared sock to get me home. Rip from the strain of my acrobatic jumps or slips on rock. Nope. These babies are for home use only, state of the art yard and garden wear. Unlike my dad who my sister just took a picture of him dressed up in his latest outdoor garb, perfect. The problem is that he gets something in his mind and goes and does it. Why would that be a problem one might ask. Well he usually is wearing his nicer clothes because he does not THINK. Poor mom and what she had to put up with over the years. Dad what are thinking. Old clothes. Geez. And you lectured me on whatever. Sometimes you just want to shake your head.

But today is the day for making holes. No little one around so I am going to plant my sunflowers. Have been talking about it but not doing it. Frost. But now I feel warmth that is a gift. How to plant without her seeing. A little subterfuge. I want to see sunflowers grow, sorry little one. So today will be the day I put little holes in the garden and voila….sunflowers?? My grandson says how about other kinds? What do I say….yes. Okay what goes good with sunflowers. Too many decisions. I think I will go for the wild look because it does not matter what is in there, my grandkids will be satisfied.

So I forgot one precious moment this morning. Lately there has been a pile of drift wood strewn all across the beach area and up on the rocky shoreline where I walk in the morning. Well the sunrise was perfect and the tide is sort of in and the waves are gentle today. So cutting down the dune path to the beach I see an array of drift wood in a line. Kind of odd. But as I got closer a big smile came across my face. Despite the challenging times we are facing, it is fairly business as usual on the island including traditions. And so what did my wandering eyes but appear to see…..PROM? spelled out in driftwood formation. No footprints around it but my own. Someone is going to be smiling( or not). I hope yes is in the cards and wish you all the best. Cute whoever you are. You got this.

Well off to do the deeds of the day. Shovel in hand…hide the seeds. Quick. LOL. Laundry on the line….smells of freshness on my clothes including…wait a minute holey work socks. No wonder I felt more of breeze on my toes this morning on my walk. Hmmmmm. Oh my goodness, look at that. My sister is pulling in the laneway. I guess my sunflowers are going to wait for a bit. Best day ever…see a friendly face, know I am going to have a good chat, and who knows what the day will bring now. But I will say this much. As days go it has been a holey holy day given and blessed.

Let us pray for all those whom are in need of our prayers and see the holey or holy as gifts.

Joys of Mothers Day

Mothers Day today from family. Love you all. Thank you.

Oh to hear that name called out…mom. I had to laugh at my daughter’s message to me the other day because obviously I do not know my daughters names. She could be one of three. She sent me this blog from a Mental Fitness site posted by a woman who was saying “when your mom mistakenly calls you by your siblings name, its because she loves you.” That is the title. I smiled when I read it. And I will go with that. Good thing I only have three daughters but somehow other names could crop in like my two sisters and my two granddaughters too. Well, for goodness sake they are on my mind. I have not quite put in a male name as yet. But who knows.

In the blog, it is written from the perspective of the person whose name cannot be remembered. LOL. And said person is having a bad day and momma could not remember ‘your own’ name when sharing whatever. Really, mom, forget. Wow!!! Can you not get the names straight? And I am in agreement with the point of view as all of my children are on my mind. All are cared for and loved. I just have to get to the right name and I’m good to go. Give a mom a break here. Anyway, I cannot wait until it happens to y’all.

Moms. Mothers. Mums. Mommy. Mama. Ma. Mamoooskula. Momma. Madre. Maw. I think I have been called by them all, in all kinds of tones and ‘tudes too. Could be other names but this is a PG affair!! Oh to be a mother!! Yes, I signed up for it and not for a moment (or maybe a couple or hundred) did I say, “what in the world”? Yes, those beautiful times when your child has a mind of their own and you think to yourself “I said yes.” WwwwHhhhhAaaaaTtttt was I thinking??? Yep, sure did.

One day is not enough to put aside for a mother. It is HARD work. And for dads. Sorry this is day is not about you. Heehee. No one, I mean no one, in my humble opinion, could know the ins and outs of what being a mother would all entail until you have the most precious bundle of joy before you and begin the trek of motherhood. For it is a trek, long and arduous, full of wonder and splendour, pain and sorrow and all those oopsie and tender moments in between. And for the record, it DOES NOT STOP after 18 or 19 yrs old when they can technically leave the roost mothers, despite what the ‘books’ may say. What books? That is right. What books? Some never leave. No “there’s the door, don’t let it kick you on the way out” way of thinking. Aaaahhhh. LOL.

Can you imagine the latest joyful news this week? A mom delivers, how many babies!?! No way. No comprendez. I am thinking of the unbelievable crazy blessing of a Malian woman who just gave birth to 9 babies, nonuplets (is that a new entry into the dictionary)….oh my Lord!!! Not even going to begin to envisage that journey. Breathe.

I made a slide deck this week for my mom. (FYI: A fancy term for a collection of slides with some kind of content per slide for a specific topic created in presentation format using computer software such as PowerPoint.) Gee my teaching background comes in handy sometimes. Woohoo. Which reminds me. When I had my old Canon camera I would often have the film put into slide format; still got the old slide projector with a box of slides from days of old. I may get that out today. Hmmm.

Well I wanted to reach out to my mom in some way. Being in a nursing home and not seeing her family to touch them or hug them or kiss them or love them face to face, I asked the activity coordinator if I could send a slide show to my mom of her family. Bless her heart, so generous and grateful, yes I can. So, I made this collection of slides which has on each slide, people mom loves. A little bit of text to say hi and wishes with a montage of pics per family. Did not realize the many, mom!! I pray she is given a smile today. Maybe even her chuckle.

Don’t you just love things about your mom (or not). Yes I am thinking my daughters would say quite a few things….”well that’s my mom for you”. What does that even mean, girls? LOL. I know….momma nag. Annoying. Nose wiper. Pushes and pulls. This is all for your own good kind of mom. Yep. But you love me anyway…to the moon and back as I do you. But my mom has this laugh. She got mad at me the other day on our Skype date with my sister and I because I was using my phone to record her laugh. My phone kind of blocked our image on screen when recording so her face went unhappy and stern….mom look, You know that mom look. But hearing her voice and laugh know its the best feeling to hear her. It is like a wrap of love, one I want to keep remembering. I love laughter and to laugh but mom’s laugh just gets me all the way down to my toes.

Right now as I am blogging, my daughters are all on facetime with me. Oh my Lord. Happy dance. To have them all talking to one another and me listening to them This is the best Mother’s Day gift….to see them all, held in a perfect rectangle of beauty. The banter, the love, the sharing their life tidbits of bits of their life. Cannot express my gratitude girls. Thank you.

So being a mother. Thats it. Just celebrating my children. And their children too. Thinking of all the women in the lives of my and your children, touching them in some way, whether they are given a name of surrogate, adopted, aunt, extension, step, friend…whatever and however you phrase the mother of love role….it is a day to honour most graciously and most humbly mothers. And I for one take that role very seriously.

So hats off to all mothers today. You are the adult in the relationship (sometimes), first to listen (vaguely), first to forgive (do I have to), first to understand (not really), first to back down (well if I must), first to respond to help (not again), first to show patience (hahaha), first to love unconditionally….ALWAYS. Put your Superwoman suit away for the day. Know you are a good mother and even greater because you love your teenager(s). Just joking. Blessings today. Happy Mothers Day.

As you put your feet up and relax….

To mom, sorry for ruining your body. Thanks for the womb and board though.

Mom I love you. Even though I will never accept your Friend Request.

Hey mom, we have hired a few people while you relax on Mothers Day….

No one told me I would be coming home in diapers too.

Mom, although I cant fold a fitted sheet, I still turned out right…right?

Hey mom, Im sorry about all the dumb little things I have done, just be thankful you only know half of them.

Mom whats it like to have the greatest daughter in the world…I don’t know, you will have to ask your grandma.

Its not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. (Dorothy, Golden Girls)





When people tell me I’m turning into my mother I actually take it as a compliment.

Let us pray for those who are in need of prayers and for all the mothers, may they know what special gifts they are.