Because I can

I can do things you can’t do; you can do things I can’t do; together we can do great things.”

Mother Terea

I have been thinking of a song of late by Dwane Drost, a country gospel singer from Durham Bridge, NB. My folks met him a few years ago when they visited dad’s family and friends in that community during a jamming session of guitars and pics at the old general store. I have to chuckle as I remember how both my folks had huge smiles as they talked about their summer evening with Dwane and the old gang. Anyway, this one particular song speaks to me, a song that I think is dedicated to his mother (hopefully I am not wrong) as he sings about his mom struggling with alzeihmer’s. One of the lines in the lyric from Just the Same goes like “And it breaks my heart to see her as she looks into the mirror with a smile and she asks me what’s my name…”. A lump sort of gathers in my throat. It is reminding of my own mom and who she is becoming with dementia. I feel so far away and thinking of her.

Life is precious there is no doubt in my mind. One day you are kicking up a storm and the next day…well you wish you had stayed in bed. The crystal ball syndrome does not work let me tell you. But the beauty of the human heart keeps plugging away to try – just turn on any news or go on any social media to help you get that. We are bombarded with life and all its frailties. The spread and wake of COVID-19 is a perfect example. The measures that countries are taking to protect their people (thank you Canada) is staggering, welcomed for sure, but still overwhelming to the nth degree. And at the same time, it exacerbates the many human frailties that mark everyday human lives and social conditions existing already. Whew! That’s heavy…yep like a ton of bricks heavy. This is where you want to…(fill own words).

For a moment (too many to mention but feel) I can get into a frozen state (you know the brain-freeze-after-slurping-a-ice-cold-freezie state) where you feel numb, have to hold one’s breath and allow the needle-like feeling of glacier icicles piercing on an addled brain to slowly ebb. In other words, it is where the heart greets the hurt with pleading; pleading for the norm of yesterday as the new norm comes into play.

So what now? One step. That’s right. Why?? Because I can. That is what I have been coming to terms with lately. One step because I can. What does that even mean? At this point in my life, I can do. I can be. I can make. I can walk. I can pray. I can breathe. I can….There are way too many things or events or situations in our life that are out of our control but will still weave in and around you regardless, good or not so good. Things that can directly impact you and life as you know it changes. So I can becomes real to me now because I can. For now, I can go on a walk (Crocs not so great. I should have purchased new running shoes which I should have got back in November – my bad). For now, I can call my own name (of course I mix up my daughters and grandchildren once in awhile – sorry). For now, I can do physical distancing (absolutely do as I’m told). For now, I can make dinner (I would rather my daughter make it..please) , I can bend down (yep I love my knee pad and creaky bones). For now, I can weed (oh my mom would love that, probably laugh too). For now, I can help others (or at least reach out). For now, I can pray for strength and courage. For now, I can.

Putting things into perspective, even in the numbing unexpected times of life, I can because I can for tomorrow I might not be able to. And you? Can. Blessings.

Published by karenpnd

Taking in life and enjoying what is around me. Retired educator who has realized the bounty of many gifts given while in teaching and working a board level, I have missed out on paying attention to my surroundings including human interaction. So I find myself wanting to write and share a pondering or two. And that leads me in giving blogging a go. Looking forward to meeting others along the way as companions along the journey.

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