Holy lightening, Batman but on-line dating is not what I thought it would be like. It is not a thing of beauty or maybe I am in another stratosphere of thinking. I know I live on the island and the choices will be limited but come on, I did not think there would be such limited choices. Don’t get me wrong there are a few men available but the age they want for example…under 59 or maybe between 30 to 99. No, that is no-go for me. Not even close. So then I extend my ‘search’ (like I am shopping) into the bubble because hey the pandemic allows that. Well there are a lot more choices and so I put out a ‘like’ or even send a ‘message’ if the profile moves me. No takers. Is it me? Probably. Absolutely. Or maybe I could be easy on myself and say it is the pandemic, they do not want to travel, they do not want to pay the almost $50.00 toll, they do not like distance, do not like islanders or do not like my message. LOL. I am kind.
Then I go back to my initial thought…it is me. Because usually when you make click on ‘like’ or ‘send a message’, the viewed person views you…me in this case. Coffee, tea or me. Nope. LOL. I have to say I have had quite a few chuckles by the wit of some men as I read their profiles or the directness of what they do NOT want in a woman. I can read in between the lines…past drama extraordinaire. The thing is that we all have drama once in awhile. Goodness deal with it.
However, I am enjoying myself regardless because heaven knows some men need to work on their game (profile) and pictures of themselves. Like what were they thinking!! At least take whatever out of your mouth or maybe wake up when you are taking your picture or for goodness sake, find a picture that does not come out of an old photo album? The grainy look is not in. But the big one for me, PUT UP A PHOTO at least. There must be an app checklist to help people in choosing a good photo: smile, look at the camera, eyes open, no nose close up, brush your hair, don’t looked scared, make sure cell phone is not in mirror when doing selfie, not be the face of an animal or child, face front not back of head, bring self closer not sit on motorbike in back forty, don’t have female beside you (although could be daughter), and for goodness sake look like you at least want to do this.
Do not even get me started on the hundreds who do not even put a picture of themselves at all. What is up with that? My hand is getting tired of clicking ‘pass’ or ‘delete’ instead of ‘like’. I am learning now that I have to narrow the search field to only show those profiles with a photo. And narrow becomes the new operative word. Why? Why are you not showing a photo? I mean okay someone in the community may find out you want to date. Does that matter? But what I have come to realize since I have made two major ‘my bad’ decisions about interested men in me (floored me right off the bat let me tell you); that some put photos that may not be of themselves. Or they have a similar photos but go under a different name or handle. What??!!
Three weeks ago my daughters rescued me from being caught up in a quick moving date to relationship scenario. One minute you are getting to know the person and six days later, they are professing feelings of love. Can you have love at first sight? Yes I believe that can happen. But on a virtual dating app, without having met them face to face or at least video chat or FaceTime, not so much as I am thinking out loud.
I mean I trust people for goodness sake. I think the best of others, not thinking I am being played. Well, let me tell you it is so easy. You get caught up in the compliments and since it has been a coons age since I have dated, you kind of feel flattered, maybe giddy like a teenager. And I am not used to being called attractive or beautiful. I think my favourite saying was to both men “you need to get your glasses cleaned and eyes checked.” Then crash boom bang…I talk to my daughters and sister to share because I feel flustered and they said STOP. BLOCK. Do not collect $200.00. Yep. I am wondering if my daughters are correct and i was catfished. Never heard of it. Look it up…dumbdeedeedumb…me. Using a pictures of an existing person, real, but not wanting to send selfie or do video chat or talk on phone. Red alert. Mayday.
Well did I not learn my lesson? Nope. Got caught again a week ago only this time this one had a very different approach. When a person says they are from Toronto, it is a big city. I mean I do come and go from PEI to Ontario. Maybe??? Men…you cannot find one match from Toronto (3 million people and growing) instead you are okay to say in your profile that you would be okay to relocate for love!! Seriously?! But then as the talking and chatting get going, you learn the man is not even in the SAME area code…but a ZIP code in middle of the USA for heavens sake. Are you kidding me? But silly me, Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and get practicing how to talk to a man. Grow up Karen.
But each day the chats get more and more around feelings and the real Mccoy kind of thinking. But my logic kind of kicks in and I ask if we can video chat. Does not seem to work. So I say send me a selfie and he does. Well lo and behold, I was still going on the dating sites (because this is what I am supposed to do right now, right? Just explore and meet and chat to men??) and what do I find. The same selfie ends up on that same dating site I met him on earlier but now under a new name with different information. BLOCK. BLOCK. BLOCK. (It is kind of childish to block as I am discovering in myself…just tell the truth. Boy I dislike hurting another person).
I am not sure how many do on-line dating and I only have two sites I am using but I am going to get rid of the one. It is not intuitive and constantly seems to find searches that bring in men from all across Canada and USA. Well why would I do that? There was one man who I could tell really wanted to give ‘me’ a go. Do I have sucker on my forehead? He was from Texas. TEXAS. I blocked him because he was pleading at the end. I had to go and reread my profile narrative to see if I should change it.
Which brings me to rethinking. I am beginning to realize that there are some very lonely (not making fun here) men who really want to find someone and will fabricate reality and say things you want to hear. They could be true and may feel that way but is it what you want to hear that it comes down to in me? So Coles notes version on How to date On-line? My daughters say “mom just go have some fun, talk with different men, find out about them, just do not reveal too much but enough but not explicit and no names or no cell number or no Skype name or video chat hangout or yes maybe video chat but wait a bit”. Okay. So what you are saying daughters in other words is have fun, but not. Got it.
I have to say though that it is hopeful. There are some really decent men just trying to find a soulmate, a person they can spend their life with. No all of them are, Karen!! That is not too much to ask? Well it can be, if you do not put something about yourself down so that a person can get a sense of you. I did not realize they have canned comments for on-line dating available ( I sound like I am reading report card comments) which I did not realize until I felt I read the same line multiple times. How is that possible men? I mean really, you cannot think for yourself. It is not like you do not have life experiences? What are you looking for? What do you want or don’t want.?
What I do realize about myself in all of this is that it is humbling. I do not want to make a checklist for the man, feeling like I am in a store so to speak. I would hope it is more authentic when getting to know the other person. Honesty, truth, just be yourself.But what you put into it, is what you get out of it. One man said he felt it to be too impersonal. I guess it can be. But the biggest thing of what I have learned about who I am….I am more of a Cesna then a Boeing 747. LOL.
Anyway stay tuned. Blessings.
Let us pray for those whom are in need of prayers today.
Karenpondering 