Let Me Shed a Tear

Well Christmas frenzy has come and gone for another year. And now a new year is drawing closer. I cannot help but bring to mind and return to life happenings over this year without a smile or two and many a tear. Oh let me shed a tear mom and dad. Let me. Shed. A tear. Yes you are on my mind more than ever. As I am sure this feeling is with many who have lost someone dear to them, we seek without permission, a time to weep and mourn.

It is almost comes out of nowhere, this profoundness of an unknown found love, a deeper more sincere kind of love that is being missed. An ache and longing to see and to express in heartfelt bursting ways but ever more knowing life unfolds the way it is supposed to and in that, God only knows.

Grief has been given to the human heart that has no boundaries or expiry dates on it. I want it to be a comforting feeling in the tears shed or the thoughts felt when I think of you both. I know you are in good hands. It is not in the sadness that I want to shed a tear but more for the gift of you. I am so very grateful to have and to hold the memories given to me, life lessons revealed, and the legacy of our family still alive and kicking. You left some lively ones for sure. LOL.

A couple of days ago I was listening to a video clip from an actor to actor talk series about grief between Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield. Holy moly it spoke to me. It was shared by Andrew G. that he loved to talk about grief because it made him happy. He said that no one gets to spend enough time with those they love. And he hopes the grief stays with him as he gets to have all the unexpressed love he did not get to say and he can feel it for the person until he too passes. The loved ones left a heart print. And mom and dad you certainly have done that.

So I am going to shed a tear mom and dad. For you. And it might happen many times just so you know. But I am also going to smile in those tears because I know you would want me to live life fully. Those unexpressed loves are in full bloom and in colour too. I pray for the many who have lost loved ones recent or many moons ago. It is not an event but a journey in the loss and does not go away. It will resurrect itself this grief at times of memories. Welcomed grief laden happy memories that could be chaotic feelings, confusions, missings, unanswered questions, the sufferings, the person(s).

But also holding onto the plethora of laughter and quirky grins, gravely voice, big warm hugs, long long lectures, camping, summer travel to NB, ping pong table family meals, paper bag popcorn, handmade nighties, yucky fishy fish with dollar fries, smell of homemade bread and soup and…. mostly in a tearful and smiling way for you knew me by name. And I love you for leaving me with these unexpressed love moments to uncover from me to you. Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and for those who have lost loved ones may feel the grief to also be of comfort and peace in memories. Amen.

Quietness of the Night

It is so silent this early in the morning as I let Maggie May out for a quick jaunt to do her thing. It is way too soon to be going out for a walk because I never know what black and white fella may be lurking in the darkness. My granddaughter says she is afraid of the dark but as a Rara, I try to reassure her that all is well. One tries to find ways to calm the scary and be able to give over for her to have a restful sleep but young minds have their own vivid imagination. And you cannot reason with reason and a five year old. It is just not done.

Of course like any kind and caring adult who wants life to be filled with smiles and chuckles you try to waylay the fears of your little kin folk. But when walking just after dawn, I am fairly certain my own imagination is on higher alert as there might be some furry paws just beyond what my eyes cannot make out. And to be frank, I am really not interested in running into Peppy Le Peeyou and the deadly aroma of Eau de Stinktohighheaven fragrance.

Yet, I do cherish this quiet as it so wonderfully breathes life this late December morn. Breezeless, crisp of air, night sky clear with its sparkly lit diamonds, and the ebony blackness from the fallen evening from yesterday shadows over the usually sharpened silhouette of nature’s barren growth. Ah the beauty that unfolds. How can one not feel God’s presence in this moment. Or better yet, wrap my arms tightly as I await for my furry loyal companion to come back in while I keep an eagle eye out upon the snow trail I made for said pup. Come on now. Giddy up, Maggie May.

I am not sure why I am up before the crack of dawn or as I heard this quaint phrase recently from a British mystery series I have been watching… ‘at stupid o’clock’. I don’t like to use that word per se but it certainly seems to be befitting in this particular instant. LOL. Maybe it is that I have noticed that daylight is coming up just a tad earlier and staying a wake a little longer. I LOVE this time of year when the magic and mystery of the perfected syncing of the sun moon and earth and seasonal pattern align. It is beyond miraculous but then so is our Creator. Hmmm

So I am going to welcome this moment of quiet and solitude, basking in the tranquil stillness and want for not. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers and for those who seek the soothing calm to be within. Amen.

Adulting Up

Being an adult. I think it can be difficult in becoming an adult. Not just any old adult but an adult who knows how to adult up. You know those times in your life when you find yourself ignoring a situation or person and hope whatever the issue is that it goes away. But it does not as the longer you leave it, the more of a quagmire or pickle you find yourself in. And then when you have to or want to face whatever or whomever it is, there is a change in your demeanour. It is the moment of truth before you and so you are ready to what….fish or cut bait. I am sure there is a nicer way of putting it. Maybe let go let God?

How to be an adult in adult scenarios which require adult decisions by carrying out in very adult ways to adult up. What in the ever loving of all that is good does adulting up mean?!? I feel it comes with a whole boat load of emotion and a restlessness. LOL. It is a storm before the calm. Hmmmm. It is projecting what you may feel is going to happen before you even do or say anything; meanwhile, your internal body has already been hard at work swallowing or gulping, gnashing or gnarling, heart pitter pattering.

Why is it so difficult to adult up or mature up or for that matter grow up? Although I am going to put a pin in the phrase grow up. It feels like a meaner connotation sort of. Why do we find it hard to tell the truth or be honest? It is not just the person delivering the message but it is also the receiver of said message. Have you not heard the old adages “take it like a man” or “put on your big girl pants”? There are two sides to the coin. No matter what, when you finally find the courage, because it does take some backbone and mettle, to acknowledge what should or needs to be said or done.

I think of Advent upon us as I ponder the nature of adulting up. Odd though it may be but Advent reminds me of an invitation to practice living in the presence of God. There is a beautiful preparedness about the season where we are invited to open our hearts to be more Christ-like in our words and actions. Looking within, we are given a gift of being still, allowing the spirit to move and envelop us into an awakening to continue in becoming the person you are called to be. Thus to be more understanding and patient in our walk whether we are the giver or the receiver of whatever comes to us. Is it easy to be an adult? Nope. But in my humble opinion do it anyway. Blessings this day.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers today and for those who need the strength and courage to do what is right and just. Amen.

Decide Mother Nature

It is still dark outside as I got up early this morning listening to the hollowing wind breathing life into the forested area around me. I went to bed with a snow laden world, and upon awakening, what do my wandering eyes see in the darken dawn….green grass. Not a speck of snow anywhere as far as I can vaguely make out!!! Holy and all that is Mother Nature, it fascinates me how one day it can be snowing and the next rain and wind and the next nothing on the ground but a memory. Even in the bush out back as I take a gander out through my window, there is nothing but fallen logs, barren trees and a blanket of darken day surrounding all of nature. Wow!

I stuck my head out as Maggie did her thing and the wind whipped its gusts of air smack dab upon my face. Whoa Nelly!! Not a weather person in any stretch of the imagination but when warm strong winds meet cold snow coupled with a shower of rain…voila! No snow. Nada. You gotta love the weather around here. I know that where my family lives back in Ontario, snow seems to be the message of the day. Lots and lots and lots. Not going to say anything because I have a funny feeling weather is going to be predictably unpredictable this year. And my brother-in-law just gave me a lesson on how to run a snowblower! Yep. It was a good lesson and the machine is already to go. I just have to remember the steps. LOL. Go me.

Thankfully I have to look at the silver lining. I put my truck up near the road yesterday as my red clay lane will be messy when driving on it. I would really like to leave it smoothly bumpy instead of crater bumpy as the ground softens from cold to mild temperatures. Thawing plays havoc on the lane when driving on it so rubber boots here I come as I will have to hoof her up to the top of the lane near the road.

So today being December and not quite the winter solstice or official start of winter season, I will enjoy the blustery, windy, rainy bleak looking overcast day and smile. Because I can. And the waves down by the shore are a sight to be had. Gotta find the little joys in the day. It’s all good. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are need of our prayers and for safety of those who encounter Mother Natures decisions. Amen

Cloudy with a Chance Of…

I love children’s picture books. They are short and sweet, sometimes silly and sometimes when you least expect it, a lesson comes a knocking as you engage with the words. Their images collaborating in sync to the content, the short and brief narrative capturing the attention of your heart and mind, taking you to places with a wisp and a will. At the same time, I am always struck by the title of the book. How in the world does the author/illustrator come up with the title and front image?! It is like a hook, a lure even, to get you to pick it up and enjoy.

So I am doing my early morning walk three days ago and I see a little library standing at the corner of the house I pass by if I am going down by the harbour. The owner has kindly built a wooden post (kind of like a country mailbox post) to hold atop a wooden box with a miniature glass door which encloses a few books that anyone can take out, replace, for anyone’s leisure. Such a gesture of kindness. I have not peeked in lately but what might it hold. Any children’s books?

Because I have been paying attention, literally, to my walk and my preparation to go for a walk. So why my walk and books? Well lets just say recalling the imagination of the author Judi Barrett and her crazy wit in her book Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs speaks to me. Why? Why? Why? It may be a bit dotty but so apropos to the musings of the author and my feelings towards the November weather here on the island. The notions of food being the precipitation of the day coming down in droves providing plenty of meals for the townspeople. But oh my, like anything else, the bounty of large buckets of food falling with its specific kind of ingredients causes chaos and upheaval as it intermingles with the ordinary and mundane routines of the little town.

For the last two weeks or maybe even longer, as I might have to look at the historical data of weather in November (haha not funny), it has been cloudy. Dark, gloomy, ominous clouds blanketing the sky each and every day with rain interspersing to create the tale of woes to Cloudy with NO Change of Sun. Yep. And don’t get me started with the wind sweeping in. Brrrrr its cold.

So what is the short narrative to the grey and black images of the daily lives of the inhabitants of islanders? Well, break open the closets people and get out the fall winter trappings and paraphernalia because the events of the daily are grin and bare it. The unexpected beauty of the dismal kind of weather is up and running. So like my older sister says, suck it up buttercup. LOL.

Yes the weather has been quite noticeably bleak. I mean yes November marks the slowing down, the time of remembering, the gathering of seeds and nuts for the living creatures, the shorter days and longer nightfalls. But, according to whomever, there is a sad case for the lack of vitamin D as is recommended. And for the record, I am not under any circumstances swallowing ingesting gulping even sipping, in any form, cod liver oil. Eew! That is such a cruel and unusual punishment! Sorry mom but I can refuse now as a grownup in my defense. Hmmmm

Sun. Sunlight. Rays. Beams. I know the sun is not beating a warmth like the summer hazy lazy days but goodness and all that is holy, Lord, please shatter the gloomy. It can’t be good. So while I await the season of Advent which is all about preparation and joyful hope, I am going to have to weather the weather, whether I like it or not. For that is the narrative. Each day is a page to open and begin anew, regardless of cloudy or sunny or a shower of meatballs. Today is going to be, as I look out my window with a silent quiet sigh and half smile, titled Cloudy with a Chance of Sunny Awesome (or no cod liver oil for me). Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers and for those who suffer during these long days of darkness. Amen.

PS. Instagram Perks

Enjoying the beauty of nature’s grey palette.

Capturing the serenity of a cloudy landscape.

Let the clouds be your canvas. ( I like this one)

Cloudy days are the perfect excuse to cozy up and relax.

Embracing the moody vibes of a cloudy day.

Hard Goodbyes

I am so glad that we have November as it is a month dedicated to remembering. For those who have lost their lives (and still losing lives) to fight for something bigger then themselves. To know that the risks were great but the hope lived inside of good and fruitful days to come. Alas we pray. As Remembrance Day draws near on November 11th, it is a day filled with a joyful sadness within the hearts of many. The joy of knowing the hearts and minds of family members, friends and neighbours, who sadly in the circumstances of war, gave up their lives so that we could have much. For those remaining, strong and true, who survived war as they reflect with heavy hearts and sorrow the loss of the men and women who stood beside them. But also with the memories of those same people who changed their lives as well. No words can comprehend the magnitude of such losses but only in the remembering lest we forget.

At the same time as All Saints and All Souls Day are wonderfully placed at the beginning of this month, opens the heart up to bring the journey dedicated to the special people in our lives that left this earth, long ago or more recently. Those old memories they don’t go away as they just show up, fleetingly, and then float away, returning when you least expect it. Like in the dark, under the bed, in a photo, a deja vu, in the pew, seeing an old friend, eating burnt toast, a funny tale or something that jogs you right back into drawing on those memories. Some pleasant and others maybe not so much, evoking the back story in our hearts and bodies. The joyful knowing and the sorrowful loss coming together and bringing up all kinds of feelings of warmth and tears, sorrow and hope, wonder and regret too.

Maybe it is befitting to have November be the month of remembrance as the length of darkness falls further with only short times of light, the light of hope, take place at this time of year. As I sit today looking out my window at the darkness even if early morning, the November day speaks of a gloomy cloudy day ahead with its cold northerly wind bearing down. And just around the corner comes the s……. Not going to say it. At least for now.

But it is the light of hope for those who we have lost are the light in our hearts. The beacon that shines brightly in the memory. This week has been another sorrowful tearful time in my family. A big old bear, our Luna, a huge English mastiff brindle had to be put down. A youngun, I think 7 years old. Knowing her, she shone her light with her big personality. You could not in any way shape or form miss her presence. She made herself known daily. And the biggest thing for me was her love and protectiveness. I think she saw herself as a pup, small and cute. Cute maybe but small. No, her tail could knock over my granddaughter. So no, she was not little. But big and strong, and did I say big. Yep. Try sitting on the couch and she decides to come over for a love. Yeah. Run. She liked to climb up on either side of me and wait for a scratch on chest or reach way way up for a scratch behind the ears. Luna was the cats meow, the jam to the peanut butter, the icing to the cake. She made you pay attention with her big personality. Oh Luna bin, I am so going to miss you.

I did not think I had any more tears to shed after my folks passing this past summer. Love you mom and dad. What more can one’s heart take! But apparently the heart rejuvenates for another bout of tears to shed. My heart hurts for my daughter and her family. Going into their home on Sunday, where I would normally hear a loud bark and a four legged beast come a running down the stairs…..nothing. I knew then. I went up the stairs and around the corner to find her lying there. Her long tail wagged a wee bit to acknowledge she knew me but barely lifted her head. Husha baby. I laid with her stroking her head, knowing that she would be leaving soon. Breaks my heart as she was the best of the best for her master, my son-in-law, who spoiled her rotten. LOL. She was his baby for sure. But Luna protected the flock and watching my daughter who never really had much in the way of pets to go by….gave her an unconditional love along with the kids. I pray for you all.

So thank you November for being a dedicated month (which I realize can be all year in memory for many) I think of those who have gone before me. Especially to my parents as I grieve with love in my heart for them as their light was bright in my life. And to my uncle who passed away, my mom’s brother this year. And my brother’s dog Ozzie, who too passed this summer. And now this day to Luna. These are the hard goodbyes, one’s you don’t want but do happen in this precious life we have been given.

I like the feeling in my faith that we are people of eternal hope. It is the memory of celebrating those, our dearly departed, and remember them with a light of hope, sharing in a memory, a smile, a kindness with others in those dark times. But when we come together with others, our little glimmer of light, can meet another, bringing a little bit more, in shared love for our neighbour.

So today I feel a joyful presence in memory of those who have touched my life in ways everlasting. I pray for keeping their memories alive and in that they are well and alive in me. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers today and for those dearly departed. May they know their light shines ever brightly. Amen

Be safe Hallow’s Eve

The cool brisk wind comes across the fields whipping the leaves around, swirling to and fro, to the dance of autumn’s tune. Grey clouds overhead as the amber hue of the sun tries to sneak a peak through the moodiness of the day. And the limbs and branches of the trees, bared by nature’s calling to close up shop. There is something to be said about the dawn and dusk of the day as it outlines so craftily the silhouette of creation. A sharpness etched so carefully as I can now look into the forest for the trees. What a walk this morning on this last day of October!! A hauntingly beautiful morn that captures the ever present eve awaiting the little ones (and big ones) as they prepare for all hallow’s eve. Happy Halloween.

Each day is filled with promise of what is to come. No one knows but can anticipate what will take place on any given day. Today, being Halloween, I am thinking sweet and salty maybe even sour will be the anticipated words of the day. Many children will probably be up early this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed as my dad would say, ready to get the show on the road. Costumes. Check. Orange and black attire, check. Makeup. Check. No healthy food thinking in mind at all. Check check. Parents, teachers, drivers, maybe even medical staff are all on stand by. Trick or treat. Yippee-do-dah-yea.

Isn’t it amazing how tradition built over time coincides with the seasons like an imprinted stamp on a headstone?! This time of the year where darkness befalls most of the day now until early January, creating an ominous foreboding ambiance, as the tradition of human-made costume wear whilst holding candy-filled pillow cases or pumpkin pails. come a knocking. Treat or treat. Oops trick or treat. Tis the reason for the season? Nah. But autumn’s charm and character certainly befits its weathered nuances to suit the spooktacular occasion of the upcoming eve. Bootiful I would say.

So be safe little ones and big ones. Allow the fun of the night, the treats, be more than the tricks. Yeah? Knock knock parents and smile. It’s show time. And at the end of the night, as the bounty is displayed and sorted of the do’s and don’ts of the loot….check check and check. Happy Halloween. Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and for this Hallow’s eve to be safe for all. Amen

Put the Camera Away

Is this autumn going to continue to be stupendous, glorious, wonderful, enjoyable? Should I be touching wood at this point? Yep I touched my noggin’ so we are good to go. My goodness the weather has been crazy beautiful. Even the rain has been light, fine, gentle. I feel and pray for our southern neighbour in particular near the Florida area. The prayers are in full swing for all those affected. Each day so far including way back in June, the weather has been unusually lovely. Is this setting us up for what?

So next steps. You betcha. I got my new winter tires on my truck yesterday. No. I am not saying the “s’ word. Nada. But I am saying with a slight hesitation in the question “what is the next season going to bring us?” I mean all that is holy and wondrous the autumn season has been spectacular in its delivery of colour, cloud formation, still waters, warm breezes, extended warm temperatures, and a palette of never ending beauty. Yes, I see signs of a carpet of fallen leaves with its crunching sound underneath while traipsing the hills and valleys and hidden trails across the countryside. Yes, I have mitts, hat, and thick coat on for morning walk. And yes there was sleet hitting the window last night.

But the camera does not lie. For each day I awaken to a beauty day with the sunkiss on the water (or the ominous presence of moving greyish white clouds), the ducks quack quacking away, blue heron standing still in the shallow marsh and the blend of russet golden reeds of grass afloat in the nearby marsh. Oh that it is testament to God’s creation bursting its seasonal fall flavours with chaotic organized disarray. Even when walking the day and night of Buchard gardens delight, the wild sidelines and shores of PEI’s natural ambiance of land and water….my breath pauses. How does one capture what the eye doth actually see?

Somewhere I have read to put the camera away. What does that even mean? I think I get it somewhat. For you are not present when you are focused behind the lens on an experience that should be fully enjoyed. Where is the dance? The joie to vie? The baby’s first step moment. Not behind the lens. It is a fragile balance to be told. For the lens does not encapsulate what the naked eye can fully see and it certainly can not bring back that instant.

This past Sunday, the church I attend had a mass for children. My granddaughter came with me which would be her first time in my church. Holy moly she brought tears to my eyes. I could see the awe and wonder as she took in the ambiance and setting of this sacred space. Taking in the gestures, the rituals, the invitations to participate. Her head swivelled noting things that I have not really paid attention to.

She is at an age where she wants to be able to sing and read by herself. LOL. Miss independence. But regardless of not being able to, my eyes glistened as she accepted the invitation to join the pastor up on the altar while he included the small group of children in what he was doing. This precious little girl held the hand of her neighbour and partaking in everything. My heart burst. In that moment, I wanted my camera. But I did not. So I saw. I felt. I witnessed. Bless her little big heart. No need for her to have a camera.

The realization that some things are to be experienced even if post card worthy. It is a poignant reminder how fleeting moments can be. In that, I think of discernment in which attendance is being sought. The attendance of the heart and soul coming in to spiritually nourish me in the here and now. Am I going to put away my camera? Not on your life. My memory needs help for goodness sake. Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers and for the gifts we are given in this life lived. Amen.

Simply Grateful

Look at all the beauty and bounty around us. There is something to be said about this time of year in all its glory. From the vibrant colours sweeping across the forests, to the red dirt turned soil, to the overflowing potato filled potato trucks, to the smell of fresh baked apple pie and homemade sour dough bread, to the crisp mornings with the sun glistening on the still waters, and the unbelievable generosity of fellow neighbours lending a hand to those in need. Time of giving and caring. Of course, one has to remember the season of being grateful has very slow but huge farmer traffic that one follows and you have to have the patience of Job – no offence farmers. And yes their vehicle leavings on the paved roads leave much to be desired after washing the truck for the umpteenth time.

Yet, funnily enough I. Am. In. A. Place. Of. Gratitude. Even though the summer was kind of a shaking me up to the core of my being kind of time and really would rather it not have happened ….well where does one find the gratitude? Losing my parents within nine days of one another took the wind out of my sails. More like the earth beneath my feet. Yet the inevitable knowledge as taught by our Lord, that we do not need to worry for each of us will be taken care of, there is a light in the darkness.

The night before my dad passed away he had spoken to me about living fully and go out and be happy. My favourite phrase with him and he would laugh away, “shoot me now dad.” Oh dad (and mom) life unfolds and continues regardless of what has happened. And yes we are born, we live, and we die. Circle of life. Yes. So to be in gratitude, look for the happy and gratefulness. Where to begin?

Standing then kneeling at my folks gravesite last week, I have to say I smiled. The resting place where my parents layed, right below my dad’s parents, it allowed the tears to flow freely, grieving and celebrating all at the same time. I talked to them on the dew laden grass, wiping the leaves and debris off their headstone. Placing a kiss on their names, my heart beat loudly. Oh but the feeling of love and loss and reality of no more the feel of their skin. Yet, I felt a bit of peace knowing they are all good. The sun filtering through the trees with a blue sky and puffy wisps of clouds. Blessed place to be with them. Thank you.

The happy has been surrounding me unknowingly, I guess maybe the fog has lifted a wee bit. The four of us, meaning my siblings, have created a group chat that we have been using since the summer. We have not had this much communication since forever. And I love it. And so it seems do my siblings as we touch base weekly if not more to share, to chat, to express thoughts. Just be adult siblings. Who would have thought!!! It is said tragedy brings people together. Maybe when life shakes you up, tasting like lemon, you find a way to make lemonade!! Grateful to them.

Two days ago I went to see my dad’s cousin and her family in NB, delivering a hug and celebration of life card. It felt so so good to be there. A few tears as we shared our stories. Hospitality and love abounded. Maritime graciousness and warm welcome. I even took a drive to where my dad was born, to a place my folks took us every summer since I was a baby. At first I could not find it because my memory and where it was…did the house move? Sheesh. But no it was there but the long lane up to the old farm house was filled in with these long tallish trees and I could only catch a glimpse of its peak. Wouldn’t that be welcomed, a stranger going up a drive and taking a picture of the old homestead. Yeah, not happening. I mean stranger danger. But I really wanted to. Anyway, as I drove home, I ate a snack pack that my dad’s cousin put together for me. Love her for that. Grateful for down home and family.

So as I prepare for a fun time with one of my granddaughters today as we have a date for a Turkey Tavern Thanksgiving meal, I feel so blessed. Blessed to have family and friends in my life who fill my cup to overflowing. That in dark moments, lanterns glow and shine their light in unexpected ways. So let the rain pour down today, literally, as I take stuff to the dump…an exciting adventure for sure. Get me ready for a day filled with stories that my grandchild will share and tell me what I can and cannot do as we spend the day and night together. Yep. I am in gratitude.

Be safe family and friends wherever you may be and have a most wondrous day. Happy Thanksgiving especially to you mom and dad. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers and for those hands who have prepared Thanksgiving for all those in need. Amen

Get ‘er done!!

“Yahweh, I know you are near, standing always by my side….”

Dad you would have loved this morning as I took a walk down by the wharf with all the lobster boats sitting idly, casting their colourful images off the still water. Glorious morning that I know would have calmed your soul and in earlier times of your life, got you to get out and fish on the Maitland. But not today dad, not today,

You know dad when you repeated that mantra, one of many mind you over my life time with you, “get ‘er done”, it did not mean you had to leave so soon. That saying was one of telling us to get our butts in gear, no complaining and get it done whatever it was…until your finished. No rest for the wicked. You get nothing for free. Get. ‘er. done. Hmmmmm

Sheesh!! But could you not have waited for a hot minute?! Like ‘shoot me now, dad’ (metaphorically speaking here). Because that is what I was thinking (one of many chaotic thoughts and memories) as I think of yesterday surrounding you dad, with the family. Me sitting holding the hand of your youngest daughter (and grateful for technology being in PEI and too far away) as we once again watched our second parent leave this earth, tears flowing freely down my face.

I start to wonder about what a person can handle. I did not think I had more tears in me but there you go….yep tears aflowing. I know it has been a hard go for you and to watch you over the last few years struggling with your health journey. Always a healthy man, never really a sick day to mention. Of course when you did have a sickish day, Lord almighty have mercy. Then its “Ma, where are you?” LOL. But these last few years, bless your heart for persevering even though you did not want any of it. Drove you up the wall, hey dad. Yeah another favourite mantra of yours. It was hard to accept that it was your turn. To watch as your eyes close for the last time. Was not really ready! Then again is anyone?

It took me back to one of your many stories, this one being with your own dad, ol’ Gump, when he had said to you “I do not like what I see. I want to leave.” And of course being the dad you have always been, take the bull by the horns so to speak, you wondered what did he mean? He wanted to leave!!! He wanted to leave this earth as he was tired, had enough of the changes and could not do the things that he could do in his life. And you with your witty way, cajoling him saying you have still a kick in your step. I get it grandpa. I get it dad.

I guess one never knows what is in store in and with this life given. Life is a mystery and only God knows. But, seriously dad!! Nine days from mom passing to you passing too. I am in a state fo surreal shock. My head is full and foggy, not really getting what just happened. I needed to walk by the water today in the quiet stillness to wrap this teary head and hopefully you see the glory of the day.

No words to convey to you my love for you. I was just talking to you dad. I mean I was just talking to you!!! And you had to leave. What the ever loving all that is good did you have to love mom so much, you had to skedaddle home. Yes mom was your home, plain as day. As much as you were a pain at times (not being mean here dad) but it seems my only way to get through this one is to find the humour. You know that you have not been a good patient. LOL. Just kidding. Not. Your oldest daughter and son may have a word or three. Hmmmmm

They say, not sure who the they is, but say that when a beloved one goes the partner follows soon after. Yepper. 67 years with mom wins hands down. I believe you were only hanging on with all of your ails and ills, sometimes very very difficult to get up at all, even to see your wife at the nursing home, that with mom’s passing it was time. Your permission as it were to not worry about her anymore, No need to be supportive and her steadfast love. Not feel you were a burden to your family. Well lets not get too carried away because being a patient and having patience….I think a little lesson or five could have been said a time or two.

Oh dad. I get it. In my head I get it but my heart, it hurts. Being strong is a subjective word right now. Yes you may have taught all of us to be strong and give our all but holy goodness.

I am going to miss your craggy deep voice, off tune singing, your tight hugs, your gift to gab, your nose spreading as you start to be sassy or sarcastic dry humour. You have always been quick with the wit, your good old days stories even. Can’t believe I said that!! Missing your stories already!! Hahaha. Yeah dad, even your stories that you repeated over and over and over again. Even in the same hour. I could go for a story or two right about now. I could even go for those mini, no lets face it, long winded lectures or life lessons that you so readily offered to all who came to sit by you. Even grandkids could not escape. Oops you did not quite catch the great grandchildren. Your bad! Yet, like your dad, you had lessons in the story. I am not sure how in the world one story merged into the next but somehow you made the connection. There were times that I may have nodded off (I can say that now, hahaha).

All I can hang onto today is that you are finally at peace. No more hooking up to a machine at night or releasing you from it in the morning. (Bless your heart sister for commitment to mom and dad in the last four years as well as from my brother) Yes, the body can only take so much and yours had enough. Right dad!? You did not want to know something else was going to break down within. No more. You are at peace and for that, I am filled with gratitude. God is taking care of you now. But, I think mom has her running shoes on because her man will be chasing her once again. Run fast mom. You can’t get rid of him. LOL. I bet you thought you had your own hot minute, hey mom? Nah. Not this day.

What do you say to the man (dad, father, pop, grandpa, uncle, fil, bil) that gave me life and my three siblings and families!! That guided us with his strong will and values of how to live out this life given. Modelled for us…Family life truly. Hard working always. Provider totally. Fixer upper creatively, Lecturer (or story teller) crazily. Fisherman peacefully. Wisedom given freely. Beloved hugger and the two-finger kiss off the lips in each hello and goodbyes faithfully.

You have touched many lives and be sorely missed, just know that. I am smiling dad but can it just be a little one for now please? By the way, you can hear us all now, no more visits for new batteries for the hearing aid as it was another thing to drive you up the wall. I have lots to say for you and mom so stay tuned. Woohoo. You got this. And I got you, dad. Love you always. Blessings

Let us pray for those whom are in our prayers and those beloved who have gone before us. Amen

PS Thank you daughters and family. May the comfort of one another give us the strength and courage for the days ahead. Peace.

Say hi to mom for me dad.