A few weeks ago I went to the eye doctor. It had been quite a while since my last check up. I guess you go along and put things off until such time as you cannot see. Literally. The fine print which seemed to be a good enough size for me to read off a label suddenly took on for me a facial contortion of sorts. Squinting and bobbing my head up and down to make out letters never mind the words, it was time.

I guess if one took a look at my old glasses the foggy scratched up middle should have been a good indicator I was not seeing clearly for a quite awhile. The eye doctor sugggested quite strongly to get rid of them; not to have them as a second pair to fall back on. Well she was right. For the new ones seemed to bring things into focus like the good old days. The days when I did not need glasses. LOL. Part of getting older.

Progressive glasses. That is the term used for my prescription. Hmmm. Because I slowly will have to get more progressive glasses? Well holy lightning on a stick, the little tests that she had me do, I do not recall me having to do that a few years ago. The eye doctor held this long flat wand and moved it close to my upper arm and then chest. Can you see that, she said? See what? The wand had to come out a bit before I could see it. Really!!! I had no idea that I am tripping more now because the eye ball range on the lower part of my eyes are not picking up what is below me. Let’s go with that. LOL.

Regardless, I can see clearer now. My mouth and tongue do not get as much of a work out when I am doing close up work as much especially when I put on my glasses. Goodness. I would laugh at my dad when he did his tinkering of whatever needed to be fixed. Yeah, I catch myself doing the same thing now. Very unbecoming look, dad.

I am not sure why I put it off, getting new glasses I mean. It is not that I am vain. Probably it is more about me taking care of me, myself and I. I just plug along in this life not really thinking about this old body slowly showing signs of wear and tear. LOL. But I think the manufacturers are in cahoots with each other. For the fine print is becoming finer. I am going to extremes to look at a set of instructions such as going to the window, turning on stove light to bright, trying to find magnifying glass just to see the info on right dosage for OTC meds for my little one and my grandson comes along and says, “it says 5 ml, Rara.” And he looks at me funny, like what is the problem….it says right there. Uh huh. Yeah it was time.

I have to chuckle at an old adage scripture passage from Luke 18:25. “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, then for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” Try a thread. That would be my eyes with my old glasses. Yikes! I realize that the lesson is not about my eyes but it does make me think about my actions. Seeing more clearly.

What gets in the way of doing the good? What needs to be done? What should be done? Living in this world that we so wonderfully get to live in and experience is a blessing. The New Year has just begun for each of us. Oh but to turn each page of the new chapter in our life and see a blank slate. A slate that will be filled to the brim with all kinds of things going on in our lives. Can we see clearly the path that we are on, each one of us?

When I think about the camel and all that it carries, laden heavily down with goods, including its riders, I would think it takes its toll after awhile. Unburdening the load, carrying less, freeing the burden; so much easier to enter wherever. On the other hand, the camel has a purpose and taking away what it is good at, not always a good thing either. We are called to do, to be, to act, to offer, to help, to hear, to see. In this instance, do I see what my eyes can see or should see? Unfortunately I can see the dustballs a bit more clearly and goobies missed on a ‘clean’ plate. Thanks grandson for noticing. Hmmm. It is not easy to walk steadfast in one’s own journey never mind walking with others. Which we do…walk with others.

But having a new pair of glasses, glasses cleaner, a new year before me, I can see clearly a path. One in which I am going to check my dish cleaning methods. Two , I have to look down for those unseen bumps that come up out of nowhere and trip me. Three, look at what I or others carry and support (not fix). Four, see what is before me, around me, beside me, behind me (to learn from). Five, be okay with not seeing and believe. And six, well sing that song Johnny Nash 1972….”I can see clearly now the rain (snow) has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. Its going to be a bright bright sunshiny day.” Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers this day. We pray to the Lord.

“Its not the years in life you live but the life you live in these years”. I am humbled by these words which struck me as I was watching a Christmas movie from Hallmark. I am not quite sure of the title of the movie but when the actor said these at the dinner table as a toast to the group as a Christmas message to them I had to jot the message down. Every day is a precious day with ordinary things made extraordinary by the very essence of who or what is happening.

Yesterday my oldest sister out of the blue, bless her heart, sent a video chat invitation while i was caring for my second oldest grandchild. I picked up and my sister said, “Hey mom. Sing Happy Birthday to your daughter.” When my sister turned the video camera to my mom, there she was with a big smile, eyes opened, and looking at me (or at least it felt that way). I of course said a big hello and then stopped talking because for the first time in months I got to see my mom lucid. She began to sing the Happy Birthday song to me. It was her voice, a little worn and rusty, but oh my poor heart,,,,I teared up. I am doing that now just remembering the precious gift I could ever have asked for on my birthday. She sang the whole birthday song!!! I cannot tell you the last time she was present, alert, aware. It breaks my heart wonderfully today. Woohoo!!

Mom!!! I kept repeating her name. Mom!!! I was in shock, in awe, grateful. For a few minutes she was present with me and my sister. She responded to our conversation, turning her head, and even chuckling. My mom has this charming spread of her nose when she is thinking funny and not so funny thoughts. LOL. She did it!! Mom!! Boy I miss her. But I’ll take what I am can get and that was my icing and chocolate chip cookie and Christmas morning and cherry cheese cake and popcorn bundled as the BEST GIFT EVER. Yesterday, her face showed she was listening with her expressions and words. Can’t ask for much more.Thank you sister. Thank you Mom. Thank you.

It is the little things in one’s life that are extraordinary. I find myself in a reflective mood today as I celebrate a new year. My grandson who is 13 wrote in my card that I am still kicken’. Wow! Grandson don’t hold back as he hovers over me from his six foot frame last evening. LOL. Naturally he comes out with sass. I guess being 64 is getting up there. Out of the mouths of babes. Thankfully I have my grandaughter who is 4 and says, “I love you lots.” And birthdays to her are to be lively and joyous. So what does she do for me? She even made cupcakes with me wanting to make my day special. I’ll take it.

Me I have tended to keep my day quiet and not notable. Not because I think about my age but I like to be low key so to speak. Yet, I am reminded that it is not about me in as much as it is about those who think of you and want to make the day brighter. Of course family and friends take your day and make it their own in terms of best wishes and expressions of love or like, which can be quite simple to funny to thoughtful to even a blessing. What is important is that it is about you to them. And the incredible thing about birthday wishes is that someone thought about you enough to want to go out of their way to take the time to say Happy Birthday. Or send you a card or E-card or gift. Is that not wondrous!! You are called by name in celebration. You are important to them. Yeah? Yes.

One of my favourite places to go and spend time with is in the Hallmark store or card section of a store. Where in the world do the authors of the cards get their ideas? Sometimes I just go to get a lift in spirit or need a really good laugh. Although some cards or even E-cards can be a wee bit, no a lot bit, of ‘oh my’. This is a Family to PG site. LOL. But truly, the words can spring out and touch you in such a way that it was written with you in mind for the person you are thinking about.

Mind you I have to say with a gulp that the practical side of me comes out when I turn over the card and look at the price. Not to take away from the card but goodness. LOL Well nothing says happy birthday like an email. Twitter. Snapchat. Facebook. Or showing up at the door, “It’s me. surprise!!”

Or the special gift that finds its way to you be it a blue heron or a picture with words of wisdom or a Mars bar or a cheesecake on a stick or cheese popcorn or romance book or a Christmas ornament. The list can go on but the gift itself regardless of what it is….it is found just for you. Although I am glad my parents were strict with me and my siblings and hopefully I was with my own girls because sometimes gifts can be different. That is all I am going to say about that. It is the thought that counts.

So for today, if it is your birthday, celebrate you because you are wonderfully made. Know that you are thought of, are special, and truly a gift to those around you. How you spend it and what you do with your day will be up to you. But make it spectacular. And if it is not your birthday but someone you know is celebrating their day…well giddy up. As Clint Eastwood in Sudden Impact (1983) had said, “Go ahead, make my day.” Maybe not be so dramatic with the weaponry and all but you get the gist.

Today is a good day for It is not the years I have lived which has been a few for sure but it is what I have lived and live in those years. I’m so grateful for the life given to me and for the people who have crossed paths with. So thank you God, family and friends for making my life a celebration. And more importantly to celebrate you. Blessings.

Let us pray for those whom are in need of our prayers today and for those who celebrate their birth day. Amen.

PS. And if you do not know what to say to the fine fairweather friends or family on a card or note or in person etc….

Happy Birthday To….

You are the brightest star in the galaxy! Happy Birthday, to you. goodhousekeeping.com

I asked Google how old you were….and she laughed. GYYsweetus

I’m sure you feel pretty lucky to call me a friend. Not everyone is as fortuante as you. Happy Birthday. goodhousekeeping.com

We may need to call the fire department to help blow out all those candles. Happy Birthday. goodhousekeeping.com

When I think about some of my favourite memories, you are always a part of them. Cheers to more fun times together. Best wishes on your birthday! goodhousekeeping.com

A Good friend is like a bra…hard to find, supportive, upligting and always close to your heart. GYYsweetus

They say the older you are the smarter you are. At this age, you must be a genius. Best wishes to your. goodhousekeeping.com

When we met, I knew that you’d always be a part of ,my life. I admire your kindness, fun personality and your heart. Blessings and best wishes. goodhousekeeping.com

Whatever you do, don’t let aging get you down. It’s way to hard to get back up again. Country Living

Happy birthday to a dude who isn’t showing his age – or acting it, either. Country living

What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, ill never part with it. Country Living

The best part of being older is that you did most of your stupid stuff before social media. Cheers to another trip around the sun! Country Living

You dont’ look a day over 20. From a distance. With my eyes squinted. Happy birthday, bestie. Country Livng

Okay so don’t do it for goodness sake. What one might ask? Well it goes something like this. I did not have my glasses handy as being over 60 there seems to be a disconnect between small print and my eyes. I have to be real….it is not just the fine print any more. Squinting in the sun is one thing. Solution. Sunglasses or put your hand up to block the rays or get a sun hat. Options. But when the head turns into a bobble head as I CANNOT READ the FINE PRINT. Well grrrr is what I say. So not even thinking as why should I, I go down the first set of stairs to the landing where lo and behold my glasses and glass case are located. Life altering event takes place.

Please do not wear warm fuzzy socks while going down wooden oak stairs without a tread. I am telling you it hurt. It is a lesson learned that I will not soon forget. Honestly where was my head. Well on the floor attached to my curled up body on my left side as I tried to breathe. Literally. I have never seen my grandson move so fast from his gaming chair to get to me. There were only eight steps I believe to get to the first landing and my body, aka ribs and hip, found the last two.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph I pray to the Lord on high, I could not breathe for a few seconds because my ribs landed on the second last step while my hip took the last step and jarred the dickens out of me. You know the the phrase ‘son of a gun’ well this would be more like ‘dad of a gun’. Holy moly it took a moment to even get my head around what happened. My grandson rushes up the split landing and yelled, “Rara are you okay.” Nope I was not but I could not get any thing out of my mouth. Just my right arm waving frantically in mime fashion, don’t touch me. Bless his heart he was my knight in shining armour. Love that boy.

I have never, touch wood many times over, had an injury such as rib cage bang and clang. But I knew in my head as I lay on my side that the rest of me was okay. I slid like a pro. My old coach from my early days of fast ball would have been proud of me. Slide on your side. Yep I did that for sure. However, there would be flat dirt to glide across; not a stair to catch the side ribs then the hip as I landed gracefully?? No it was more of a thump and thud.. So needless to say, socks came off immediately after gasping and grasping for air. It is such a thing let me tell you.

The thing about invisible injuries in which you cannot see outwardly the huge pain and soreness that comes in the wake of a fall. Or a blow like that to the body. It reminds me of sports where athletes, amateur or professional, put their body through pain induced trauma for the FUN of it (or for the big bucks). All I can say is….ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! This is not a booboo. It was a category 4 or 5 hurricane in my body. Aaaahhhhhh.

I am telling you the first few days, laughing was not on the agenda. It hurt to move never mind laugh or chuckle. Honestly I had to chortle grunt a bit just to get through the basic movements of going up, down, turn, sit, laying, repeat. And any language of the normal kind that passed my lips,. I would have to describe it as grunt ohhhhhhh, ahhhh, oh God (I am sorry God). The first four mornings, it was an excruciating chore to get out of bed. I could not sleep on my side only my back. Moving my leg over the edge of the bed to get close to the floor was my main goal. LOL. My left arm had to go up over my head as I tried to maneuver my right arm under me and push up without straining the left side. I thought I was stuck in the bed, no way of raising myself. What good is my dog as she wagged her little nub of a tail, thinking I am playing!!

The old adage of ‘suck it up butter cup’ was not quite working out. I ended up taking OTC pain relief capsules which for the most part I do not care to take anything for anything as I kind of work through it. Nada this time. My other new friend was an ice pack. I know my cousin has been going on about people should be taking cold baths or showers as it is supposed to be good for you. Cold showers, polar bear dips, do not seem to turn my crank!! But I have to say a cold compress, numbing the rib area, allowed me to move and groove. Breathe basically. Oh Magic bag come hither.

What can I say? Don’t sneeze. Don’t cough. Don’t pull. Don’t laugh. Don’t twist. Don’t squeeze. Don’t hug…only air hugs. Ice. Rest. But not too long in one position. Bare feet. Or invest in toddler socks. You know the kind with those sticky little round circles on the soles. One does not know what one does not know. And I could have done without. learning the hard way. My learning curve of recognizing I should not watch anything funny or sad or scary or unexpected. Breathing is essential to one’s day and healthy ribs matter. And maybe don’t squeeze.

Well it is up to the roof top there rose such a clatter, I of course continue to see what is the matter. For what do my wandering eyes see to appear….dirty dishes, make the bed, vacuum, laundry, cook, dog walk, garbage day. That is the drill even if it kills me. LOL. Quasi all better. Just particular now in how what goes where and how and why of my body parts and not taking for granted I still got some moves. Yes a bit staircase shy, twinge and tweak too but hey I can laugh without a snarl. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers and for those who suffer and in pain. Amen.

Going out with my sister was a blast. She is a story teller like our dad as she shares her life with me. She also is a crazy foodie like most of my family seems to be. I tend to go on the side of caution and bland. Mabe a bit of salt and pepper and olive oil but not much more. And garlic as I hear it is good for you. Certainly not for breath purposes mind you. But, really I am not a seasoning kind of person. I know what I like and don’t like on my food. Never really got into the whole exploring foods that rhyme with ‘not’ or ‘dicey’. So opening my fridge or cupboard I can tell someone other than me has been adding daring spices or condiments. Siracha?? Spicey dill relish?? Franks Hot Sauce?? Does that sound like a crowd pleaser. Not.

But there is such a thing as getting out of your comfort box to give something a go. Most of my family be it immediate or extended like to test their palette. Not sure why I must have missed that train of add a bit more of this and a lot more of that. Basically, basic has always been my preferred jam.

I think of my dad during my childhood impressionable years. He was a bit extreme to say the least. The hot the better. My Mom had this recipe for hot mustard. Just standing by her as she was finishing up her homemade mustard I swear it took a hair or two from my nostrils. Yet there was my dad as we sat down to dinner putting pukish coloured mustard on his hamburger and hotdog entree on top of the eye watering onions from the garden. Not sure the sweat gathering above his eye brows nor the runny nose that seemed to develop as he indulged in the local fare of mom’s concoction was supposed to be convincing. What is so appealing about sweating and nose dripping while eating good food?!

This summer I bought a hot sauce kit for my oldest daughter as she wants to recreate the TV series of Hot Ones for herself. Is this a bit of her grandpa spilling into the gene pool? Holy moly. Why for goodness sake? For this is a TV series which hosts celebrities to come on the show and try chicken wings dipped in a wide variety of hot sauces. I watched one episode and holy moly on a cracker….not happening. I think the sauce Texas Pete would be my limit. If a sauce is named Mad Dog, no thankyou. What is the attraction!!

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy chicken wings. But I like them dry rub, crispy but not dried out, and mild. However having lived with my oldest daughter for a few months at a time over the course of the last two plus years, she introduced me to M and Ms buffolo wings. Now they have quite a kick to them. I can eat maybe 3 or 4 and then I need a soother for the lips. LOL.

Maybe I need to spice up my life a bit. I know that it takes a bit of thyme befpre cumin to take over at this sage in my life. Can I be bold and chili? Can my taste buds take on more than a peppering but definitely less seaing salting on my platter? I have kept things at bay which leaves only rosemary to be heard. I cayenne expect my tongue to be treated gingerly. So to begin, I think a more softerpowdery approach but not be so flakey as I mustard up some old cajun courage to take on allspices. Apparently, William Cowper’s poem (1785) The Task: “Variety is the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavor.”

I must have missed that memo. Hmmm. Well, I guess it will be chicken and everything spice. Okay. Let’s not get a head of oneself. Yes seasoning I can do. Maybe a bit of exploring, open the opportunity to get those creative juices flowing as my youngest would say. Research as I am so not interested in watery eyes or finding the nearest emergency room for tongue and mouth resuscitation.

Yet really the seasoning no matter what it will be, be it plain and simple, hot and spicey, tart and sour, or deliciously sweet, it meets the joy of enjoying food. Even more than that it is the breaking of bread together fills the spiritual as well as the physical nourishment within. I tease my girls and siblings as they are such foodies. Eyes glaze when they talk about certain foods they had or with their God given talents, food they have made with their own hands. I missed that gene boat. LOL. But regardless it is the communal understanding of food and love they have which I believe is the true seasoning.

Bless them for being the spice of life and seasoning for me.

Let us pray for those in need of our prayers today. Amen.

It has been a long long time since I have felt silence. You know the kind where you are in the dead of winter and you step outside your door to the deck or porch to a sound and symphony of silence. Its like the quiet sound from the winter blanket of snow and frozen sheets of ice laden heavily upon the earth and nearby water holding them down from making any rustle of noise. Or when the relatives leave after a long long and yes long visit with you. It is almost too deafening. The loss of the whirr and burr and whine and natter chatter has suddenly dissipated, leaving a wake of the surreal.

My house is still. An echoing of a tune lost by the pitter patter of little and big feet. Now it is only my dog’s tick tick tick from her nails or her yip yip from whatever she may hear or not. Hmmmm. Need to trade you in Maggie May for a new model. One that comes with an on and off yippity switch. Do muzzles really work?!.

Today it is the sound of a deep quiet that has been gone for quite awhile. Receiving a break from the daily and ever present din and hubbub from human or pet. It is a toss up where the noise originated. Could be from the technologies blaring in the ear, thump and patter of feet, morning ritual and chaos of getting ready for the day, the whine and dine of grandkids (love you anyway), side door banging from overuse of lets play inside, no outside, no inside. no outside. In other words, the birds have flown, returning to their near or far off nests to settle back into their own regular life. Leaving me to fend for myself. Oh my children, sign me up.

First of all, I am good to go. Second of all, I am good to go. And thirdly….well its all good. LOL. Joking aside one does not appreciate what and who you are about until change takes place. I realize I may have the tendencies to be a hermit. Just ask my daughters. I do not need to fill the silence with sound. And I am very comfortable with my own company, boring as that might be. I like silence and notice when I do not have it or get it for a period of time. It has nothing to do with my unconditional to the moon and back love for my family or friends. However, I am a bit of a contradiction in that it may not be silence in so much as the alone time craving. Yeah?

For upon reflection, I welcome the crazy swirl and curl of crashing waves as I stand before the sea near me, whilst the whip of the wind lashes its invisible rush of air upon my being. The power of the waves hurling toward the shore with its white caps bouncing every which way and hit the rocks. Whew! It sounds beautiful. Calming. Mighty. But later on in the exact same place, the sea becomes eerily quiet as its waves slowly move toward the red rocks and sandy shoreline like a gentle kiss caressing the shore.

And too I welcome the dining table where laughter and chatter transpire. Where family gathers together with all the crazy chaos of Thanksgiving celebration. Me giving thanks for moments like these given freely and unconditionally. I don’t hear anything but love.

A day or two ago my 4 year old granddaughter comes for a sleepover. Having been on my own for a couple of weeks, truly on my own, I realized I was missing her. The funny thing is when I opened the door to go inside my place, she said to me, “Why is it so quiet?” I smiled as I realized it was true. It is almost deafening to the ears.

I remember having gone to the Science Center in Toronto ON. There was a soundproof room that I entered into. It was absolutely astounding to be standing at the cusp of the doorstep, not hearing a peep except for my breathing. And yet before me, there were kids moving back and forth, people talking to one another and I standing just inside this room….I did not hear a thing. Wow!! Sign me up. LOL. But if I recalled correctly there was a pressure between my ears that I did not understand. Does noise impact us so much?

I guess I need a bit of both. Well here is to the noise and silence in life! Blessings.

Let us pray for those who need our prayers today. Amen

Holy moly. If you can only take a step back, maybe read a book or five, take a chill pill. Hold the train. Something. Anything. The thing is when you think ahead, the fret tree takes root and the worry and brooding becomes the fruit of the vine. The mantras and the Word made flesh seems to disappear. All the grounding one has in faith, hope and love, being reasonable, crumbles for a while as one tries to grapple with a thinking in one’s mind.

The projection of worry is like vomit. Eewww! Not a metaphor I want to relate to but still it comes. Why can the mind not be put on hold for just a hot minute? Redundant, I know. Mind and worry or anxiousness in the same sentence is a given. A human failing that conquers all of one’s insides until you can grab a hold of a lifeline of a more enduring thought of hope and reason. And aahh!!! this too shall pass. Yes indeedy. Just tell that to the working ever-loving mind.

I like words and how they come together, bringing a solace to the weary heart as you scan their intent. And yet words of comfort and reason are duly replaced in quick succession with the meanderings coming slowly into one’s consciousness, doing a thoroughly good job of creating havoc of the irrational debilitating kind. Thinking and fretting of something that has not yet happened but it is in the offing. Well let’s just say the plethora of that so called knowledge of life and experience and stories and real scenarios and Youtubing and Googling and ‘what ifs’ come a knocking and burst out, binging and ringing, until a dizziness is ingrained in the intellectual capacity of the brain. LOL.

Not so funny when you cannot find the lifeboat of reality and calm within. It is one thing to be able to live with and in chaos but usually you can find your dependable life-giving rock to stand upon; whatever or whomever that may be. It just can get in the way of being fully present to the moment, the day. I think of how much real estate worry can take up in one’s own realm of bodily systems that have a big job already….just to function adequately or fairly well. Not going to say excellently at my age. Or maybe I should. ROFL.

The thing is most of the projected worry that comes in, stirring up the fraught and angst, does not stop on a dime. It does not seem to matter the issue, it just niggles and wiggles until it gets the body a jittery and one’ actions in word and deed misbehave. Yep. Not a good sign.

As a mother, a Rara (grandmother term), a daughter, a sister, a friend or a ‘two ships in the day’ paths cross, my heart responds. And in the engagement with whomever, the heart feels for them. Wants to fix or take a way or make better or find a solution to alleviate whatever is causing the frown line. Is that a maternal thing?? Not so sure. But alas that is not mine to own. Not mine to take on. Not mine to fix. Oh what to do, what to do when you live a shoe!!

Prayer. That has got to be it. Or at least for me. It’s all good. God will take care of things because at the end of the day, whatever is going to take place, will. Whatever is going to happen. Will. Whatever is the result. Will be. It is out of my hands and honestly it should be.

So pray anyway as Mother Teresa (or Saint Teresa now) would say. Just do it. Allow the beauty of letting go, saying things aloud or silently, feel the water of life assuage and relieve you of the heaviness taking over the nooks and crannies of the worn and tired of thinking brain matter. And if for another, then the power of love and care come in. There is nothing like knowing someone is thinking about you, caring for you, loving you.

The odd thing about life is that things eventually work out. They always do. What that looks like…oh for the knowing?? It is not for us to know but to embrace. Maybe these times of uncertainty are necessary and needed so that when the goodness comes a heart soars from the blessing. Hopefully. Not everyone can do that I realize. And to let go and give over is not easy either.

I think about an old poem by Arielle Perkins “God’s Boxes” and maybe should take a leaf out of her page….put the fret, anxiety, concern, stress, disquiet, dread, fearfulness, worry….in the black box. Gone. Whew! Feels good. At least the intention is good. Time

Not sure what the current trend of ‘yo bro, got your back’ is but ‘just chill’ is my jam. Watching too many young adult movies. Haha. My arms are wide, my ears are ready, and my mouth is closed. I guess learning to chill better might be the goal. But in the mean time, I put out good thoughts, tender care, and heartfelt prayers for those I am thinking of today and whatever is on their plate. It’s all good.

But in the mean time, be gentle to self in the ‘thinking ahead’. There will be thousands of those over the years so don’t worry about the worry. LOL. Some will be good and others not so great. Fretting about something does not have the power to prevent whatever from happening, good or bad. And the thing is that we do not know what is or going to happen. Do we? Soooooo…… Yeah it sucks big time. Blessings.

Let us pray for those in need of our prayers today.

It has been a painful journey lately as my dad struggles with his journey with dialysis. His kidneys are failing him. One is done like toast (I need humour at this point) and the other….well lets just say the percentage count of the second kidney’s function is not that high. Oh how did life get so yucky.

Not being in proximity, it is harder to read or listen to my sister sharing the news of dad. And then me old dad gets on video chat with me to ‘see’ him and ‘hear’ him. Thank the Lord his humour has not left him. Bless your heart dad as he sits in his comfy chair in a blanket and sweater….summer time. What in the name of all that’s holy!! I try to make light of it but he is feeling chills and so tired. That is not my dad.

The thing is my dad wants to go. He is tired of this life lived. He says, ” I did not sign up for this.” Choking back my tears I say, “love you dad.” It is difficult to hear that he has had enough. He is a doer, a kick you in the butt, get up and go kind of man. No nonsense in his approach to life. Just git er done. But with his wife of 65 years in a nursing home now….who has been at his side through thick and thin – yeah dad lots of thick with you. LOL. Not kidding. I think that is the icing on the cake. Why hang around?

Never in a million years would I have imagined my folks being in the state they are in with health. Mom in a wheel chair, seemingly more child like over the last few months, and sleeping. All of a sudden eyes close and no Dad cognitively and physically knows what is going on with him, even though now he finds it hard to keep track of dates and times for appointments. I remember he would make fun of his folks, my grandparents, as they get out the long pill box identified in the daily dose of coloured pills for this and that and this again. And yet he found himself doing the same thing.

It reminds me of his own dad and two conversations that have stuck with dad over the years. One that my dad brings up time and time again, especially in the last couple of years. The two of them were sitting outside in two comfy chairs out back under a tree at my folks country store, chatting away, shooting the breeze. My grandpa turned to my dad and said out of the blue he wanted to leave. And dad said to him “well the car is tanked up so where do you want to go.” Grandpa said, “No. No. I want to leave. I do not like where things are going. How things in this world are working. Do not want to be a part of it. Just tired.” And dad kind of looked at him and then dad being my dad, he laughed it off and said, “you got lots left in you old man. Legs are good better than mine.”

But a few years ago, my dad tells me he was sitting out back on his own porch, finding himself saying almost the exact same thing aloud. He was thinking about his life and what was going on, finding that he was not liking how things were turning out in the country and around the world. He had enough. Dad said he almost shot up from his chair shocked as he remembered his chat with his own father.

Hey dad, like father like son!!

But the other one that sticks in my head is when my dad was on his way to the nursing home to see his dad. The weather was terrible, cold and blustery but he wanted to see his dad. While visiting my grandpa asked dad to take him home. He wanted to get out of there. I certainly get that. But dad said it was too stormy out there. In my grandpa’s way he let my dad know that he thought it was an excuse. Another time maybe. What could dad do?

My grandpa passed away a few days later.

Dad has told me that story many a time over the past few years. It still sits with him and a story I am not going to forget either of a lesson in life. We do not know what we do not know, do we?

Dignity. It is a beautiful word and one in which I have pondered many a time. To give to another person a sense of worth for themselves, to be heard, valued, respected. Do I do that for others? Oh I hope so. And if I do not or have not, oh my….that’s on me. And I am sorry. Regardless of one’s circumstance whether be ill, poor, hurt, or incapacitated, the person exists. Dignity is life. Dignity should be life-giving in whatever way that looks like. And not just to human life but creation as well…giving the respect and value of what is precious…our living world.

Right now giving dignity to my dad and my mom. What does that look like and sound like and feel like for them? Dad is cognizant and for mom, I am not sure what her sense would be now. But I do know that they deserve the dignity of being human. Treated in whatever way, beautifully wrapped in self worth.

I pray for my parents, and those others who are suffering in whatever way, on this day as you are invaluable and worthy of respect. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers. Peace.

I have to say that I received a lovely package in the mail a few days ago from a special person in my life. In it, there were some lovely pieces of reading material. What a surprise to receive! I am not used to receiving things just for me and I do not accept gifts with much grace. Ergo having a chat with the said person earlier as he had asked me did I go to the post office recently. Me saying to him, “what did you do now?” Man, can I make it more uncomfortable for the giver who was just trying to be kind. Yes I could and should. But the woulda shoulda coulda….well keep my mouth shut and just say THANK YOU. My bad once again. It is humbling to say the least when you face your own quirks and burps of self.

I know that is an area I have a bit of difficulty with. I tend to be a giver and not so much a receiver. It does make me uncomfortable when I think about it in that I am so not used to receiving gifts, even compliments or kudos for that matter. LOL. I tend to brush it off or ‘hide’ myself behind my quiet. Yet, I am a paradox in that I would do my very best to build another person up, find a little something to give to person to show I am thinking of them at this time, let them know they are great or in some way I care about them as a person. Kindness matters. So what’s up with me?!

It probably stems from my childhood upbringing of being made aware that one should be selfless, give to others like your shirt off your back, don’t expect anything as you have to work hard for whatever you get, be happy with what you have. Then later on in my adult life, the impact of experiencing too many times to count a daily ‘sticks and stones’ of feeling less than less or if given something, there is a reason behind it. So I probably overcompensate in trying to make sure no one that I come across, will hopefully not feel that from me. Unfortunately, if you hear or feel something enough you begin to believe it. Life lessons can suck big time. Once again, kindness matters.

Which leads to this one book that I found in the package. It is entitled The Choice by OG Mandino. I am wondering if I have read some quotes from his works at times but did not pay attention to the author’s name. His thoughts speak to me in such a deep and profound way. What a read!! A keeper!! I am going to have to reread it a few times which thankfully it is only 162 pages in length. Being a hoarder of words, I think this is one of those finds with keeper quotes to live by or at least resonate with my heart big time. I loved the opening line “The only calendar I need is just outside my window.” Wow!

Words, especially written words, have always been powerful for me. Not to say that I am not moved by the oral word but my brain forgets it too quickly. That is one thing about attending Mass for example and it is a bug-a-boo with me. The homily will be so inspiring with wisdom and hope but do you think I can remember even the gist of it. I like to write down what I hear which of course is not a practice in Mass. Thinking of Jesus in the Jerusalem finding merchants doing in business in the sacred space and he over turns the tables. Yikes! Probably frowned upon as onlookers would look at me and think….well I do not know what they would think. But I confess now, I have done it a few times. Oops! Forgive me Father for I have sinned. No offence Father as Your earthly messenger did a good job of reaching and opening my ear passages. Oh for merciful love.

Anyway I am way off the beaten path of my thoughts. Choice. Such a noble word. The connotation can be both quite exciting and frightening at the same time. It is something that has been given to us freely and I think truly to not be taken lightly either. Of course, we make hundreds of choices daily with little thought except exasperation or grumbling like “do I have to?” And over the course of a lifetime, too many to count. And yet we make them regularly. Do I stick my nose out of my blanket and put my feel on the floor today? Do I want latte or decaf (neither one for me)? Do I really want to go into work or pretend to be sick? (who has done that?) Do I pretend that my name is not mom or mommy or mama or Karen or Rara? Do I…..? Endless stream of the do’s and have to’s and must do’s.

But there are some choices that are gulps, swallowing hard, life changing, beyond comprehension decisions. Decisions that cannot be made lightly nor happily. Although, I should not say that, as happily is subjective. There is no objective about it especially when it is so personal. I think of my sister and dad who had to make a choice back when Covid 19 first began; deciding that mom needed 24 hour care as she was not safe for herself or for others. Never mind how it was made and the thoughtful research of finding a place that would be ‘good’ for mom. Home is always the best but not necessarily the choice in the long run. Gulp. That choice has changed the direction and course of their lives. The health of all and the need of each person in that household had to be considered. In many ways, it has brought a family closer and the gatherings though brief are memorable.

As I read this particular book, the author certainly knew how to keep me in suspense. He knows the nuance of touching the heart, deep within, at least for me. Juggling and jostling my heart chords to spring and take note. A larger image came to the forefront of my mind connecting to his opening line because it reminded me to ask myself of how I live my life. How I choose to live my life. There in front of me as I too look out my window is a cloudy with a forecast of cloudy cool day again. I do not need a another calendar to say what kind of day it is going to be….for it is going to be a day. It is going to be a day filled with choices. And I will make choices, sometimes rightly and other times wrongly.

But looking outside, I know that I am not going out in a T-shirt and shorts. I am going to put on warmer clothes. Be sensible. I also know that at some point I will need to get groceries (growling tummy and grandkids coming this weekend which means treats in the kid cupboard), rake the lawn (need gloves), dig the garden (rubber boots? No work boots), its Thursday so compost or garbage day (look it up on calendar LOL and get out ), take a walk along the lane (Fiona hurricane last fall did some good damage to the trees on property), get the crossbow saw (be careful Karen you are not so nimble and handy dandy as before). And I just looked outside and all this came to mind.

I could choose to be grrring as I see another day of cloud and cool and gloomy feeling. Or I could choose to see the delight of great things are happening all around. I could look at the forecast of another area in Canada or I can say….it is not snow. It is not Fiona. It is not a tornado. Choice. How to see the silver lining or the sacramental moment in the ordinary with eyes turning to wonder as retreat leader used to say.

Sometimes the choice is taken away from us. In this particular case, the choice was beyond comprehension, a test of true self. Whew! Humbling. Blessings today.

Let us pray for those who are in need of our prayers today. And for those choices made in life. Amen

It has been a long time but here I am. I crossed the bridge, literally, and found my way back home. Home, a place I want to be. I am not sure one appreciates one’s home until it is gone. For me, suitcase living is okay for a bit but holy moly, country road, take me home. Please. You gotta love that John Denver tune as he belts out the words on his old guitar. I feel for those who have lost their home, whether by tragedy, natural or from the injustices of the hands of man; or those unexpected circumstances beyond one’s knowing like my mom now in a nursing home; or for those in our communities who find themselves homeless. I get it in a wee small way of what that could mean and I pray for all who wander to find a pillow to lay their weary head.

It brings me back to a memory of a school assembly I attended. I taught at Sacred Heart Catholic Elementary and it was a gathering of students, staff and some parents in the gymnasium during the beginning of Lent where we listened to the keynote speaker, Murray Dryden whose father was Ken Dryden the hockey player, He stood before us talking of this non-profit organization he was involved with Sleeping Children Around the World, an organization that fundraises to buy sleeping kits for children in third world countries. Kits that contain a bed roll/mattress, hygiene stuff, clothing, and school supplies.

The way he weaved one of his many stories and accounts of the joy brought to so many children as he and his team personally delivered these bed kits to those children, conveying to us, his audience, that not all children have a place to lay their head at night. I can still see the visual image he showed of one young boy, receiving his bed kit. He unrolls it right there and then, falls upon it in the middle of a dirt path lane and wraps himself up under the bedding. Can you imagine! No. I do not know what that is like. And in that regard, I am so very grateful and thankful to be able to have a space and place to call my own.

You do not realize the comfy (or maybe not) of one’s bed. LOL. I love it. Aahh. So here I find myself back home amongst all that is familiar. Goodness, I miss my space. All of my senses are on high alert. I think I must be part dog hound as I poked my head in and around and under and over wherever, checking to see if its all good. Whew! Smells like Bounce sheets and moth balls. Yep. Ah the aroma of Peppy Le Pew! Laundry and Mr. Clean, hear me roar!

I pray no one takes offence like my youngest granddaughter, daughters, parents, siblings, relatives or friends but yippee do dah and colour me happy….it is Tony the Tiger Grrrreat! I think the biggest thing for me is I can tinker and putter and do whatever in and to my own home. When I visit, I do not like to remain idle for too long. But I can’t just get into their cupboards or take their mop or start to reorganize (so close to purging – oops) their things without stepping on toes. Oh yes eldest daughter, I know you let me. Thanks. But I do realize even at her place, it is not mine to do that to. Of course, if you want to grab a broom or vacuum or dish cloth at my place, go for it. Nah. It’s all good.

I enjoy the physical aspect of cleaning. It does not require much thought, just dig in. Purging is my mantra. It really is true about what they say of spring. Refresh, renew, revitalize. I mean the stuff one accumulates over a period of a year or many years. Well if you have not used it, opened it, dusted it off then maybe it is time to close your eyes and pitch it. Yep. But for goodness sake, don’t be going down memory lane when you come across that old yearbook or that hole-ridden university sweatshirt that does not fit anyway. What are you doing!!! Aha. And don’t think reshuffling stuff and making it look organized in the closet (which is kind of smart thinking) is getting rid of stuff. Or the trick of maybe moving stuff from closet to the coffee table and then take a nap. LOL. I know. I know. Spring cleaning never killed anybody so do not say “why take the chance”? This is not a roundtoit thing. Just do it. Haha. FYI. I am not too thrilled about seeing little droppings in the recycling bin area just outside on my deck. Little devils. Hmmmm. It looks like mice doo doos. Yikes! But no sightings inside my home. Thank the Lord for small mercies.

Anyway, home sweet home. I’m here. Delighted and ready for the welcome mat of my own making. Yep. Painting needs to happen. Cleaning the shed out. Dump run. And yard work. I wish my mom and dad gave me their green thumb. Oh well. My granddaughter wants pink flowers and by golly I am going to grow them with her. Well maybe try. She will never know if I get the pink plants already grown and put them in once I realize my green thumb is more brown in nature. Which reminds me I need grass seed for the lawn and fertilizer. And did I say the garden needs a bit of TLC. Ummm. I think I need to go to the experts…Pinterest. Or maybe Youtube. Oops, I forgot that I may need to look at lane as the ruts are kind of deep on my clay drive. Not sure tractor dragging will level it out. Did I say that being home is great? Yes, I did.

Stepping out on the deck, smelling the fresh air, seeing the clothes whipping around on the clothes line, and hearing the subtle quiet brrr of the wind, I’m home. The birds are really nattering and having a hey day on the lawn right now. I have not even put the seed out as the snow just left yesterday after the rain and lawn rolled. Woohoo.

So today I begin another day, doing my home. What do I get to do next? Who knows but it is home sweet home. And even more so the land and sea close too. The familiar of it all. Gratefully, I already took a walk down to the water and up along the red cliffs, taking in the wide expanse of sea before my eyes. The waves crashing in to the shore while the sun heralds its rays across the waves, cliffs, fields and the old worn tractor trail had me pause. I noticed that the rocky shore has taken a beating over the winter especially after the ferociousness of Hurricane Fiona last fall as well. The rocky shore is really rocky now, shifting some of the huge boulders to a different position. Beach is lined with rock more than sand. Wow! And the trek on the rocks to climb the side of the cliff to get to top and continue my walk. Well it has changed greatly. Huge boulders that I had to leap from one to another have been shifted. Why I know that, I am not sure. I guess it is like home, familiar; the nuances of space and place.

It’s home. Blessings.

Let us pray for those who are in need of prayers and for those who look to find a place for their weary head to rest. Amen.