Baring my heart here. I have not talked about on-line dating in a while so today I find myself booting up the laptop and fingers finding their way to writing deep awareness of this chapter I have opened in my life. Whew. Well here I go.
You know you think about something for a little while and then you believe that maybe it is a good thing. Then you think some more doing the whole ‘checklist in the head’ kind of pondering. Pros and cons. Positives and Negatives. Do to or not to do, that is the question. That’s me in a nutshell. I do not think I over think but I do mull over for a spell before I make a decision. Which finds me in a wee bit of a quandary over on-line dating. Yes still at it. Hanging in but….My youngest tells me “it will be a slow go for ya, mom”. On my walks lately I have been talking out loud as I trek down the road then up the road, down to the water over to the harbour and back. Wondering what in the world is the world of on-line dating all about. What should it look like? What does it actually look and feel like? I can tell you my first impression was more a ‘fun-in-the sun’ kind of feeling and now it is more like a ‘wack-a-doodle oopsie are you kidding me” kind of chaotic sensation within me. Right down to my toes. Not sure if that makes sense.
Maybe I am approaching this whole dating thing all wrong. I have met some lovely men (hope they do not mind me saying that) and then I have met some questionable “are you for real” men!! Flattering and kind but red flag kind of work going on in the back of my mind. Literally in my head I am saying “are you real”? My daughters and sister have ingrained in me to be cautious. Yep. Of course I failed miserably in the first few goes but oh well. Life is filled with mistakes. Right?? But as a wisdom given to me from a former principal that I worked with, sharing a life lesson that I have walked with for a long time. He said that all things we experience are good no matter what they are. It is what we do with what we have experienced and decide on what we want to keep from the experience, what is a truth of the experience, and what we want or need actually to let go of. So that is me right now.
What have I learned to date (About me” About men” About me and men? About relationships? Is that a long time to be on it?) which is now going on the fifth month by the way. Maybe that is not a long time. For me I think love, if that is what one hopes to find on the dating site(s), comes softly. I really like that image in my head. I took the phrase from one of the book titles by Janette Oak’s which also happens to be a movie romance series set in pioneer times. Although as I have been told by others, love can hit you square in the face too, and quickly. But what I am discovering about myself as I am not the latter, more of the former. So more of a friendship before anything else kind of woman. That there are certain things I would like to take place during the on-line dating, if I am going to move forward or engage with the person in any way. Wow, look at me!!!
Surprisingly and somewhat disconcertingly, some of the men I have met seem to express strong feelings right away (like in 3-4 days of talking and chatting). Not on the phone or video chat, only by words shared on the chat line of site or in emails or google hangout or texting. Look at me. Woohoo. Just saying. Getting sidetracked here. Is that normal? Is that real? Is it to be trusted? when a man comes to a conclusion that he sees bells and forever. What??? Then I think to myself is it the same for younger people on the on-line dating? Probably not. Because quite frankly being my age of 61 years young, maybe there is more of an urgency. Or maybe it is more like ‘been there done that’ and now a better understanding of what one does not want. The years are not as fruitful when you are over 50+ or 60+ or 70+ which is who I have attracted. Oh yes there were two in early 40’s….no I am not a cougar for goodness sake. I got that from a TV show. I am so hip. I was kind but said no thank you…way too young.
I have discovered about me that I am not afraid to share my thoughts which is a HUGE win for me. I have been getting lots of practice talking with men which is quite new. And Tony the Tiger great. Why? Talking with my dad or brother or in-laws or male colleagues does not count. You are not seeking a relationship with them in that way. But how I speak and banter with those who are familiar to me, I have to do that with the men I meet. I have to be true to myself. Just be me.
Dating has not been in my life for a long time…..I mean a really long time. Cobweb kind of long time. Anyhoo, it is all good. Being honest is my go to. But I realize that I may be too forthright which I need to be careful of, not turn someone off so to speak. I really try to be kind in my words. I really like reading the profiles of the men on the two sites I am on. Very different approaches in framing and navigating the dating sites…interesting.
I tend to make a comment to those who have a photo and have something to read. I click ‘pass’ or ‘x’ if the person has no photo or has little to say or nothing to say (not finished their profile maybe). I click ‘smile’ or ‘like’ as I think the men should know they made you smile or made a connection or liked their thoughtful points about themselves or have great photo(s). Get my drift. The problem when I do that is I get myself into trouble. I am getting profiles, matches so to speak, that are from anywhere from the States —not even in the same code – zip vs area. Really??? Or many from out west. Then quite a few from Ontario (hey hey) and just a few from the Maritimes. And where do I live?? You got it.
One man responded to my comment to him about his profile and I guess decided to look up where I live and said, “there are not many fish in that community”. I wrote back that “there are not many fish on the whole island”….LOL. Anyway, the distance seems to be a pro/con. Am I biting my nose to spite my face? Should I give them a go. But three who expressed interest in me said they would relocate. And each of them ‘lied’ in profile about where they live. I discovered afterward as we got to talking. Why did they do that? For me, how could I ask that of anyone when I would not relocate myself? Visit – yes (after covid). Then men from Ontario presents a more attractive choice in that I have family and friends in Ontario which I will always visit when I can. Is that a hopeful? Or is it the same all over again? Long distance relationships. Is it fair? Yet Maritime men, well I guess I am not their cup of tea. Or maybe it is the bridge. Would you pay to come to meet a woman that you do not even know…is she worth 48.50 toll? No. Or is it my age? Or is it….what??? You can get a complex after awhile. LOL.
I read the prompts from the dating sites which indicate you will catch the attention if you…. have a few photos, share some things about self, and if you feel an initial connection, send a like or smile along with a comment. Well. I did. Okay, I have had success but….on-line dating for Karen in bits and bytes.
What did I get? Well, no video chat or phone call for the most part so far. And if so, brief brief brief. Are they real? And make sure they do not want money. Or it seems unable to because of reasons X Y and Z. Not heard from since.
Learning there are some lonely men who just want to chat. I love to write so…okay.
Success with one video chatter. Great. And he found someone. All is good in the hood.
Emails and chatting….great idea. But hopefully they want to move to phone or video. Because honest to goodness the question comes up…are they real?
So how do I approach on-line dating from all of this. I just plug away and know myself. I want someone who can carry on a conversation. Someone who wants to talk on the phone or video chat. Someone who can at least make an effort to touch base. Someone who is honest for goodness. Someone who is really exists. And I cannot treat it as a mission or project or goal (my bad)….when it happens then it will. As John Lennon said life happens to you while you are busy making other plans. Advice?? Nada. If someone is considering on-line dating, do it. Just leave the expectations at the door. And be yourself for you cannot be anyone else.
Okay Maggie May, you are my date today and tomorrow and tomorrow after that. Hey, just so you know, I did have my very first face to face date, it lasted an hour. Sat in the parking lot of MacDonalds in his truck listening to him talk about his career mainly. Learned a lot about potatoes for sure. Then I said thank you, nice to meet you, and goodbye. Is it me? Yep. Anyway he was real. LOL.
To Love and dating and relationships. Blessings this day.
Let us pray for those who are in need of prayers today and to feel the love of others around them.
2 thoughts on “Hanging in but….”
I had to give it up, as the process impacted my mental health (so many liars!), but I wish you luck!
I am so very sorry that I did not read your comment to my pondering. Firstly, thank you. Secondly I totally get your comment. It has been now a year today that I have been on the site. And now I have put it to rest for a bit. The word “liar” certainly comes to mind when meeting some of the men. Trying to figure out the why. It is a whole different world and I do not like games. But I am learning about myself and deciding that I am of value and worthy…so I’ll be me. I can only be that. Thank you for the wishes. I have met a couple of men who have chatted with me for quite a while. One even visited me from another province. Just to say I am worth visiting. Kind of him. Anyway be good to yourself. I am going to be an optimist. Take care.
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